What if he was calling to yell at her for dating Lawrence at all?

Even if he was calling to say her past didn’t matter, could she really believe him when it had taken him two days to get to that point? Or was that just her trying to cop out again and being unreasonable, when anyone would have needed time to deal with her confession? Should she pick up the phone?

Just thinking about what he might say, trying to decide how she would respond in each instance, had her panting for air with lungs which were too constricted to really breathe.

No. No, she couldn’t pick up the phone.

For the same reason she hadn’t been able to pick up the phone when any of her friends had called. Because were they really her friends? Or were they Michael’s? Would they be on her side or his? Would they still want to hang out with her? Would she be able to hang out with them when Michael might appear at any minute and remind her of everything she wanted but couldn’t have? When he might show up and berate her for her poor choices?

The other women had been sympathetic. They’d been supportive. But then, she hadn’t told them about her previous problems with Lawrence. They hadn’t known she’d had prior evidence of him being a jerk, of him harassing her.

She always tried to excuse herself in her head, because of how he’d been when he’d started trying to get to know her, but deep down she knew she shouldn’t have trusted him. She shouldn’t have convinced herself he’d changed. That he was a good guy. That he was a good boyfriend.

Michael knew. Michael knew exactly what a monumental mistake she’d made. And even if he said it didn’t matter, would she ever be able to look in his eyes again without seeing that knowledge? Without seeing shock on his face? Without seeing the pale, disbelieving expression he’d worn before he’d realized she was telling the truth?

Ellie buried her face in Watson’s soft fur as the tears began to fall again.

She knew she should call Dr. Amy. She knew she should make an appointment.

Tomorrow. She’d do it tomorrow.

And she wouldn’t think about how she’d told herself that yesterday too.

Thursday night Ellie didn’t come to the club.

No one had heard from her yet either.