“Not what you were expecting?” asked Earthrbro.

No. Not at all. A space vampire would be preferable to this. But nothing about the world was what I expected anymore. I just shrugged, mumbling something as I considered his “face”.

“The travel is a bitch on my looks, Flyguy,” he laughed, as slavers of translucent goop dribbled down from rows of jagged and glassy teeth. He had pupil-less eyes in roughly humanoid orientation, and tiny nose slits to go along with the meth-mouth of a female angler fish.³⁶

“Wha... what–” I couldn’t form a full question just yet.

“Can you believe it,” he exclaimed. “This was a design choice! I guess this is what happens when people are built rather than born.”

“You’re a robot?” asked Patton. “I knew it!”

The hideous face grinned and I could tell we were about to get a philosophical speech on the Nature of Things.

“What is a robot but a series of parts assembled?” said the possible-robot.

“Robots aren’t alive,” Patton answered smartly.

“Maybe not in Kansas, Flyguy,” he – or it – said. “Robot is an archaic term reserved for non-sentient task-oriented programs or builds. I am fully biological rather than mechanical. Still assembled, though. A special order. A bespoke individual, and very much sentient. Very much alive.” The teeth dissolved away and the face morphed into something vaguely humanlike, wrapped in tight, pearlescent skin. Still not human, but undeniably less harsh on the eyes than before. Almost attractive. And suddenly not so bro-like.

Just as I began to wonder if maybe this flesh robot was a girl, I reminded myself that Earthrbro might be biologically diverse when it came to sex. There were thousands of examples on Earth. Some species have no sex at all, while others have the ability to switch sides. And some can even be both at the same time.³⁷

The ghostly eyes narrowed. “Are you confused, Flyguy?”

“No, I–”

“Oh, how sweet. Look at you. You’re trying to figure out What I Am,” proclaimed the figure in a bold, radio announcer’s voice and clapping along to each word. “You humans love to wedge things into your narrow categories, don’t you? Everyone has to be a this or a that.”

“But I wasn’t–”

“You were.”

“Well, a little. I was just – you were Earthrbro!”

“I can assume any of the outward signs of human or galactic biological sexes – of which there are considerably more than just two. Doing so is essential for sneaking into people’s confidence in order to snatch them up – but I have no sexual or gender designations of my own as I am uncategorizable. So, I am just me. Aptat,” said Aptat, grinning brightly. “Any apparent conformity I might express that seems consistent with your species’ largely obsolete notions of sex or gender is purely coincidental, and you would do very well to leave your Earthly prejudices here on, you know, Earth.”

“I’m not prejudiced!”

Aptat looked me up and down as if searching for flecks of prejudice. “Hmmph,” they said. “We’ll see.”