“Have you ever gotten help for it?”

“From a therapist?”

“Yeah, from a therapist. I see a therapist. It helps.”

“Why should I bother? It passes.”

“You should bother so you know what triggers it.”

“I already do know. This time, it was the accident. The little girl loses a leg but she lives. The baby died, Cindy, massive head injuries. That was it.”

“Koby, you work with dying babies all the time.”

“Yes, but those babies are sick. With those babies, one shoe has already dropped. There is expectation. So you are prepared. When it is a healthy baby … and all the mother had to do was put her in a car seat … it makes me … It was the suddenness! One moment, I am elated with you … such a wonderful evening. Then … boom!” He punched one fist into another, the smack so loud it made me jump. “It’s like in Zahal … doing shomrah—watch. One moment, you sit around smoking and talking about women with your chevrah. Then abruptly, your friend is dead from a sniper’s bullet. Or when you’re a child and you walk out of your tukul—your hut—and the women are weeping. But that is nothing new because death is all around. Until someone tells you that your mother has just died. It’s the unexpected death. It’s not like the hospital. In the hospital, the defenses are up. Am I making myself understandable?”

I exhaled. “You’ve had lots of trauma in your life.”

“I told you we all have baggage.”

“But some baggage is heavier than others.”

He nodded somberly. “Indeed. I don’t blame you for walking.”

“Did I say I wanted to walk?”

We were silent.

“That man Oliver … ,” Koby said. “Do you still like him?”

I let out a small laugh. “That, my friend, is so over.”

“Not to him.”

“Is that what it was all about? Oliver?”

He shrugged. “Perhaps a small part.”

“Small part, huh?”

“Very small.”

“Teeny, teeny, tiny.” I nodded. “Okay.”

“Cindy, under normal circumstances, it is nothing. In combination with everything that happened, I just wonder, that’s all.”

I waited until I caught his eye. “You know, I never said anything about your friend Marnie. You shouldn’t have brought up Oliver.”

His gaze shifted, falling somewhere over my shoulder. He was silent.

I said, “I see you’re pleading the Fifth. So as long as you opened the door, let me say this. Relationships with people you work with are big mistakes. One that I never intend to repeat.”

“We’re in agreement.”

“So how about this: I don’t ask … and you don’t ask.” I gave him a knowing look. “Besides, I have a feeling the score isn’t even close.” He actually blushed. I said, “Koby, there is no one else in my life at the moment. Put that baby to bed, all right?”

“I’m a fool.” He snipped another dead head. “Forgive me.”

I took the clippers away from him. “You’re not a fool, and as far as I’m concerned, it’s yesterday’s news. But in the future, you’ve got to let me know you’re interested.”