And then the diagnosis came—ALS, the quick kind—and his sister discovered the Lord. She let some pastor dunk her in a muddy cove of Lake Crosby, and then she wanted everybody else to do the same. To be “saved.” Mom humored her, even though she was in a wheelchair by then and probably could have drowned. He and his father watched from the shoreline, both of them stewing in a combination of frustration and hope even though every doctor, every specialist and quack they’d talked to told them his mom couldn’t be saved.

At night, Pamela would huddle by their mother’s bedside for hours at a time, eyes screwed shut, lips moving in silent prayer like a chant. Mom might have had ALS but Pamela was diseased, consumed with what she swore was the healing power of prayer. For a while there, Jax had believed his sister’s nonsense in that way that if you wish for something hard enough, you become convinced it should happen. A miracle. It happened all the time in the Bible, right? That’s what Pamela promised, but his mom only got weaker.

Jax tried not to roll his eyes. “Prayers only work if you believe, which I don’t.”

Pamela blanched. “I pray for your soul, Jax Edwards. I really do.”

“That makes one of us.”

“I miss her, too, you know.” Her words stabbed Jax in the heart, and he felt that heaviness in his gut like a tapeworm, eating away at him from the inside out. He almost turned around, almost laid his soul bare until, as usual, his sister ruined the moment. “If you knew what was good for you, you’d drop to your knees and beg for forgiveness right this second. Don’t you want eternal life? Don’t you want to see Mom again?”

“I don’t have time for this.”

“It’s called faith. You should try it sometime.”

Her words made him want to punch the wall, because he had tried, damn it. He’d prayed to his sister’s Lord for faith—how messed up was that? Every night before he fell asleep and a million times during the day, he’d beg for even a smidge of belief in this higher power his sister was always yammering on about, if for no other reason than the promise of some of Pamela’s peace. What a relief it must be to know that all this was just temporary, to think that life on earth was only an annoying stepping-stone to something better, a place where no one dies and no one has to miss anyone.