Eventually, I relented and promised Puneet I would try and be more considerate to him when we were out in public. This was my third relationship since my social media profile had exploded online. His indiscretion hurt me, forced me to build walls around my heart and, in hindsight, I was guarded, a little bent but not yet broken by him. The fact that he said I made him feel like a failure, that my actions had set him up for those feelings, hit hard. I never wanted to make anyone feel that way because I had spent my life trying to avoid failure in the pursuit of perfection.

My first boyfriend was unable to understand the complexities of being online all the time and eventually broke up with me, saying I was emotionally unavailable because I was so preoccupied with keeping up appearances. He was my high school sweetheart, and when he walked out of my life, it hurt; not just because I lost him as a follower, but because I saw a future with him, complete with two perfect children. He was my whole life, and to him, I was only a chapter in his life. Merely some words to complete his story. I was lonely after Aarav left, and I found myself in the arms of another suitor not long after. Gaurav popped up in my inbox with messages of adoration and promises of a formidable future. He too had a large social media following and understood what I needed to do to push myself into becoming a top influencer. We had fun, taking pictures and posing as the perfect couple for six months, before the cracks began to show in our relationship. Our days were filled taking couples’ photos under crisp white sheets with ‘good morning!’ captions and other meticulously planned pictures in various locations. We barely communicated otherwise, and that suited me. I was never a great talker anyway.

When I finally asked Gaurav about the girls in his various inboxes, he shut me down.

‘This is part of the business, Jhanvi. Surely you have just as many male admirers in your inboxes?’ Gaurav had laughed it off.

I tried to find my voice, to fight back, but somewhere along the line, I had lost my ability to stand up for myself. Instead of pushing back and demanding a change in his behaviour, I accepted his explanation. I did have plenty of men sending me messages, everything from declarations of love to unsavoury photos of their genitalia. The difference was that I did not entertain them the way Gaurav did. I felt like I was in constant competition with a world of women. It drove me to pursue perfection even more relentlessly, in a bid to show them that they were not in my league.

It wasn’t all bad, though. Gaurav’s followers began to filter onto my social media slowly, my following grew steadily, and he taught me how to work the system. It wasn’t long before we were being let into clubs and restaurants free of charge, as long as we documented it online. In a way, I always knew that he was not one hundred per cent faithful to me, and I accepted that. He provided a good life for me, and he was helping me build my career; as long as it stayed out of the public eye, I was all right with it.