Born March 20th, 1977, in Bradford, Yorkshire to Mr & Mrs X. We were a family, you know – as happy as most, till Dad ran off with a receptionist in 1991, when I was fourteen and at the local comp. This mucked up my school work for quite a while, but that’s not why I ended up like this. No. Vincent’s to blame for that. Good old Vince. Mum’s boyfriend. You should see him. I mean, Mum’s no Kylie Minogue – but Vincent. He’s about fifty for a start, and he’s one of these old dudes that wear cool gear and try to act young and it doesn’t work because they’ve got grey hair and fat bellies and they just make themselves pathetic. And as if that’s not enough, Vince likes his ale. I suppose Dad must’ve been a bit of a bastard in his way, but at least he wasn’t a boozer. You should see the state Vincent’s in when he and Mum come home from the club. He’s got this very loud laugh – laughing at nothing, if you know what I mean – and he stands there with his arm round Mum, slurring his words as he tells me to call him Dad. Dad. I wouldn’t call that fat pillock Dad if he was the last guy on earth. And the one thing that really bugs me is the way he leers at Mum and comes out with this very suggestive stuff about going to bed and rounding off a decent night. In all the years Dad was with us, I never once knew him to mention sex in my hearing, or even hint at it. This slob leers and winks and nudges with one eye on me to see how I’m taking it, and Mum just laughs and shoves him and says ooh, you are a one. It makes me puke.

He’s changed her. That’s one of the things I hate him for. She used to be one of those quiet people who are satisfied with the daily routine of their lives. She hardly ever went out at night – she didn’t seem to want to. She was wrapped up in her family, I guess. She was always there when you needed her and I think she loved us. Me and Carole, I mean.

Oh, I know how it sounds, me going on like this about Mum as though she wasn’t entitled to a life of her own. Of course she’s entitled, but what I’m saying is, why Vince?