We do have a lot of stuff going on, but it feels good to fall back into old habits, old comforts. My friends and me playing mini-golf, Noah trying and failing to find a “thing” with me that’s better than anyone else’s connection with me, Charlotte trying and failing not to laugh at Mason’s jokes, Julian’s shy smile and natural ability to make people feel at ease, even if he’s not the loudest person in the room. It’s a comfort, and I fill my heart with the way I feel in the moment, trying to hold it close, memorize its warm caress, so that when I’m miles away, friendless and all alone, I can recall this moment with ease.

“Hey, are you guys going for ice cream later? We’re coming, my treat!” Noah announces, setting his ball up at the starting point and lining up his shot.

I feel my eyes widen.

No. No, no, no.

As much as I love Noah, I need this time with Mason.

Alone.

Before I can object, Mason answers. “It was supposed to be just me and Amelia tonight, but if you’re volunteering to pay, who am I to turn you down?”

I try not to let the frustration show on my face. I guess I can’t tell Mason tonight. But I’m going to have to do it ASAP, before it’s too late.

23

Today’s Sunday. I asked Mason if he wanted to come over later so I can break the news in private, but he said he had plans with his dad today, which makes me cringe. Maybe today’s the day Brian will tell Mason and that’s why they have plans. I hope Brian’s the one to tell him, that he does the right thing.

Instead, I call Charlotte. With everything that happened, I haven’t had time to ask her about what happened between her and Chase when he drove her home from Aiden’s last week, so she gives me the rundown.

Basically, he told her he was sorry for what he said, and he realizes that he can’t tell her what to do and has to let her live her life. Charlotte forgave him and she says they’ve made up, but she feels like they’ll never really be the same again because he’ll never be completely okay with not being with her.

She said they were okay with each other at school in their shared classes and at lunch, too, acting normal and joking around like always, which she feels proves they’ve put the whole incident at the party behind them. But he’s stopped calling her Charlie, and for some reason that hurts even me. It’s like he knows that version of Charlotte will never be his again, and he realizes that he has to move on.

She feels bad, but she doesn’t love him like that. She’s just glad she doesn’t have to lose one of her best friends. I’m not sure she’d know how to handle losing Chase entirely. Hopefully, one day a girl will come along who loves Chase just as fiercely as he loves her, and Charlotte will be so incredibly happy for him because he deserves it. I only hope I’ll be around to see it.