“Or maybe you’re referring to the sex. Sex is always fun, right? It’s been so fucking goddamn fun trying to reach you the only way I can, making love to you while you can’t even look in me in the eyes, and trying to collect all the little bones you throw at me without ever truly having you. It’s been loads of fun waking up every morning to an empty bed with my sheets reeking of you, mocking me with the reminder that you’re not there. And it’s been especially fun having to uproot my whole life because I care about you so damn much, I can’t bear to keep watching you suffer.”

I’m breathing heavy, almost as hard as he is, my guilt battling it out with shock and rage. I used the wrong word, yes, but this still feels like a slap in the face to everything we’ve been through. “Don’t play the martyr, Dean. If you really loved me, you would stay.”

“I do love you.” He’s on me again, his hands on my shoulders. “I love you. Madly. But with mad love comes madness, and what you need right now is peace. Don’t you get it, Cora? Don’t you see?” His grip on me tightens, his face directly in front of mine. “I’m leaving because I love you.”

I don’t get it.

I don’t see.

All I see is him not choosing me.

All I see is abandonment.

“I’m a big girl. You don’t get to decide what’s best for me.”

Dean drops his head, breathing out through his nose. “You asked me to tie you up.”

“So?” I push him away and cross my arms. “A lot of couples do that.”

“Not us. Not you and me.” He runs both hands through his hair, linking them behind his neck. “Jesus, Cora… that was a huge fucking red flag. How could you ask me to do that after what we went through? How could you want that?”

“I don’t know!” I throw my hands up. “It just came out. Why is it such a big deal?”

“Because…” Dean closes in on me again, tears in his eyes, hands still behind his head as if he needs to hold himself back from touching me. “Because you have a hole you’re trying to fill. A void. And this is going to sound totally messed up, but I think a part of you misses that basement.”

My eyes widen. My stomach drops. “How dare you.”

“I’m serious, Corabelle. Nothing else mattered down there but you and me and trying to survive. I was all you had, and we clung to each other, and we were allowed to. We had to. But now we’re back in the real world and everything’s different, and I think you miss that.”

I’m shaking my head through his words, rejecting every single one. “That’s sick. You don’t know me at all.”

“I do know you. I know you pretty damn well.” Dean sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose as a look of defeat washes over him. “I don’t want to end things like this. I don’t want you hating me.”