I’ve never seen Mandy so upset. I’ve never seen her radiating blind hate like this. I feel like I’m going to throw up or keel over and die from abject humiliation and all-consuming guilt. “We… we were forced to have sex in that basement.”

Mandy pales, her eyebrows creasing. “What?”

My chest expands, up and down, hard and fast. “Earl put a gun to Dean’s head and made him do it. We didn’t have a choice. We…” I dig my fingers into my scalp and tug my hair back. “It was awful and sick and beyond depraved, but…”

“But… ?” Mandy sounds horrified. Appalled.

As she should.

“But something happened, okay? Something changed between us, and I can’t explain it. I thought the feelings would go away when we returned to our normal lives, but the connection is still there. We can’t shake it. I never wanted this to happen, Mandy…” I continue to crack and break and splinter, my entire body shutting down. “I never wanted any of this!”

Mandy’s eyes assess me with a quiet rage. Her chest is beat red, the heat climbing up her neck and staining her cheeks and ears. “Did you have sex last night?”

I pull my lips between my teeth to keep them from quivering. Then I lower my chin, unable to look her in the eyes as I whisper, “Yes.”

Only a heartbeat passes when her hand flies out and connects with my face. I inhale a sharp, startled breath, the sting of her slap rattling my bones.

Mandy has never hit me before. I’ve never hit her.

We’ve argued and bickered and not spoken for weeks, but… this is different.

This is unfixable.

My eyes are glazed with disbelief as I look up at her, wishing I could erase the heartbroken, forsaken expression staring back at me. My fingertips lift to brush against the welting hand print on my cheek, my remorse and regret eating me alive. “I’m so sorry, Mandy.”

She takes a step back, shaking her head furiously. “I can’t believe you’re my sister. I can’t believe you were going to be my maid of honor.” Mandy wipes at the stray tears lingering on her cheekbones. “You’re disgusting. You’re trash. You’re the most selfish person I’ve ever met, and I never want to see you again. Mom and Dad will disown you over this.”

I gape at her, my mouth parted with incredulity.

Mandy spits out one final barb before storming away: “I hope his dick was worth it.”

The front door slams for the second time that day, another person I care about walking away from me, angry and betrayed. I collapse onto the kitchen tiles, a panic attack creeping into my lungs and taking over. I sob hysterically, manically, ashamed and astounded by the damage I’ve caused. I’m a broken pile of bones and failure, crumpled on the ground, wanting to die.

I just want to die.

All those weeks fighting so hard to live, and for what?