Was he synesthetic?

No. Or slightly. He’d had a couple of episodes but it wasnt a part of his life. Anyway, after that I told him everything.

You told him about the Kid.

Yes. The summer after that he came home and he spent the whole summer at the house and that was the best time. The last best time. I had a fellowship at Chicago for that fall. He came home and we started dating.

You started dating?

I dont know what else you’d call it. We went out every night.

You went out?

He used to take me to these honkytonks on the outskirts of Knoxville. The Indian Rock. The Moonlight Diner. I would dress up like a floozy and dance my ass off. Bobby would play with the band. He’d play breakdowns on the mandolin. I told people that we were married. To keep the fights to a minimum. I loved it. Are you sure you want to hear this?

I think so. Why?

It might get a bit raunchy.

How old were you?

Fourteen. Just.

You told people that you and your brother were married?

They didnt know he was my brother. For the most part.

Was that all right with him?

I suppose. It was meant to be sort of a joke.

Maybe I should ask you if you’re sure you want to go on with this.

In for a shilling.

Because I’m guessing that it wasnt a joke for you.

No.

Anything that you’d like to add to that?

Just that I wanted to marry him. As you may have rightly guessed. I always had. It’s not very complicated.

You wanted to marry your brother?

I wanted to be married to him. Yes.

I see.

I doubt it. Anyway, the cat’s out of the bag.

Did you tell your brother this?

Yes.

You told him that you wanted to marry him.

Yes. I asked him to marry me.

You asked your brother to marry you.

Yes.

You were serious.

Very.

What did he say?

He told me to sober up.

Had you been drinking?

No. I dont drink. It’s just an expression.

And you didnt think that there was anything wrong with this?

I thought that the fact that it wasnt acceptable wasnt really our problem. I knew that he loved me. He was just afraid. I’d known this was coming for a long time. There was no place else for me to go. I knew that we would have to run away but I didnt care about any of that. I kissed him in the car. We kissed twice, actually. The first time just very softly. He patted my hand as if in all innocence and turned to start the car but I put my hand on his cheek and turned him to me and we kissed again and this time there was no innocence in it at all and it took his breath. It took mine. I put my face on his shoulder and he said we cant do this. You know we cant do this. I wanted to say that I knew no such thing. I should have. I kissed his cheek. I had no belief in his resolution but I was wrong. We never kissed again.