“We’ve received reliable intelligence that the North Koreans are planning to declare war on Alaska.”

“What’ve the Alaskans done to offend the North Koreans?”

“We aren’t entirely sure, sir, but the Joint Chiefs are in the Situation Room, waiting to brief you.”

The actor playing Nick looked to his right, obviously tuning out Terry as the camera panned to show a blonde bombshell actress playing Sam standing in the doorway to the Oval.

“Am I disturbing you, Mr. President?” she asked in a breathy, sexy voice. She had a gun strapped to her waist and a gold badge pinned to her chest.

Real Sam gasped as the others giggled. “Oh. My. God.”

“Please disturb me.”

“Um, Mr. President, the North Koreans…”

Nick waved his hand to dismiss Terry. “Give us a minute.”

“Yes, sir.”

Terry left the room, closing the door.

Nick crooked his finger to bring Sam over to him.

She sat on his lap behind the Resolute desk, and they kissed passionately.

Real Sam groaned loudly. “Someone please shoot me right now.”

The others roared with laughter.

“It’s amazing how true to life this is,” Scotty said, earning a bop on the head from his father.

As the kissing went on, the two actors began to gyrate to the tune “My Humps” by the Black Eyed Peas.

“Stop it!” Sam said, screaming. “I can’t look!”

The next scene showed Terry sitting in the Situation Room with a group of stoic military officers.

“Is he coming?” one of them asked as the screen behind him shows bombs heading for Alaska.

“Yes,” Terry said, “I believe he is most definitely coming.”

They shifted back to the Oval Office, where the Nick and Sam characters were disheveled, blissed out and panting. In between gasps of air, they said, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

“We can never show our faces in public again,” Sam said.

Nick couldn’t stop laughing.

Sam whacked him. “It’s not funny!”

“Sorry, Sam.” Shelby wiped tears from her eyes. “But that was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on that show.”

“You can’t say that and be my friend, too.”

“Welp, it was nice knowing ya.”

Lilia and Harry were so weak from laughing, they could barely sit up.

“Lilia, tell them that wasn’t funny.”

“I wish I could, Sam,” Lilia said. “But that was funny.”

“I hate everyone and everything,” Sam said.

“Maybe if you could find some decorum when you’re around your husband, these things wouldn’t happen,” Scotty said.

That set everyone off again on a fresh wave of hysteria.

Nick put his arm around Sam.

She pushed him away. “This is all your fault! If you weren’t president, we wouldn’t be dry-humping on TV!”

“Ew,” Scotty said. “I’m so outta here.”

“Right there with you, brother,” Eli said.

“What’s a dry hump, anyway?” Scotty asked him.