“I’d be remiss if I didn’t also acknowledge my own first lady, the incredible Samantha Holland Cappuano, who’s made history as the first lady to be employed outside the White House, as the lieutenant in command of the Homicide division at the DC Metropolitan Police Department. Samantha, I couldn’t be prouder of the important work you do as a police officer, as a gracious first lady and as a dedicated mother to our beautiful kids, Scotty, Aubrey and Alden, as well as our bonus son, Elijah. I love you so much, Sam, Scotty, Alden, Aubrey and Eli. I thank you guys for coming on this adventure with me and for giving me the family I’d never had until I had you.”

Sam stood to receive generous applause. She waved to the crowd and used both hands to blow a kiss to him. When she urged Scotty to his feet to join her, the applause became even louder.

Scotty waved to the group, cute in his embarrassment and far too grown up all of a sudden.

“My fellow Americans, over the last two months, I’ve heard you as you simultaneously welcomed me as your president, disdained the way in which it happened and questioned my credentials as well as my intentions as an unelected president. Let me be clear. My only intention is to spend the next three years working for all Americans to keep you safe, to keep you prosperous and to keep you focused on our common goals of health, happiness and the pursuit of the freedoms upon which our great country was founded.

“I have no other agenda, goal or purpose beyond working every day that I’m blessed to hold this office to achieve those simple goals in each and every way that I can. We all know the problems facing our country are far from simple. We’re more divided than at any other time in our history, except perhaps during the Civil War. These days, civil wars are fought online, on social media, in chat rooms and on dark webs. These civil wars may be less bloody, but they’re every bit as destructive as cannons and artillery once were on battlefields.