Kiki waved her off in a way that reminded Sarah of the man on the subway, how he’d dismissed the relevance of time.

“I just never know,” Kiki persisted, “when people use that expression, like you just did—about their ovaries pulsing—if it’s real. Seriously. Is it just, you know, a dramatic turn of phrase? Or can you actually feel your ovaries?”

“I’m out.” Karim laughed again; they all ignored him.

“Well, yeah,” Heather said. “I mean, sometimes.”

“You can actually feel them in your body?” Kiki was starting to sound—though Sarah could have been imagining it—confrontational.

“You can,” Sarah acknowledged. “I mean, I have.”

“Well, I can’t. But who knows? I could still be a late bloomer. Can you imagine? And, defying all odds, local woman begins ovulating at age fifty.”

“I wouldn’t put it past you,” Sarah said.

Heather started taking the plates and napkins outside; Karim went to start up the grill.

“I’ll bring the glasses,” Sarah called. “Do we need knives?”

No one answered. But then Matthew and Sarah were finally left alone with Kiki, and Sarah wasn’t about to move.

Matthew said, “Kiki—”

“I just didn’t want kids until I did, you know?”

Matthew poured himself more wine.

“I didn’t know,” Sarah said. “About your ovaries.”

Kiki was sort of laughing, but clearly nothing was funny. “Come on. How would you have? Even I didn’t know until I tried to get pregnant.”

“I know, but—I’m sorry. I can still be sorry. That you had to go through any of that.”

“I did feel furious at basic biology for so long. I was supposed to have a kid before I was remotely interested in having one, just because I might want one someday. Almost everyone I talked to said I would regret not having done it. I knew plenty of women making the decision to do it even though they were ambivalent, but it seemed like an awfully big one to make, based on maybe, you know, possibly changing my mind. And Arman was so focused on his career; I guess he was hesitant, too, but it was mostly me. So we were careful. And then one day I didn’t get my period and instead of being worried, I was crazily excited at the thought that I could be pregnant. I wasn’t, of course, but the desire to be pregnant—it came on so strong I couldn’t see straight. I became consumed with regret and obsessed with having a baby just like everyone said I would, which honestly made it so much worse when I couldn’t.”

Sarah felt a jolting pang of homesickness for her family’s old apartment, the one where they’d moved just before Leda started middle school. The living room was painted the palest gray; Sarah must have tried ten different shades.