Dedication

For everyone who has been patient with me this year.

BEFORE YOU DIVE IN

I hope you enjoy Cosima and Tristan as much as I did bringing them to life.

Please note that this novella contains on page sex.

Happy reading!

1. Cosima

Chapter 1

Cosima

“I’ll be okay,” Cosima said with a small sigh before she corrected herself. “I am okay. Don’t worry about me, and don’t even dare think about canceling your cruise.”

“Simmy.”

Her mother’s tone was filled with enough pity and dogged determination that Cosima couldn’t help but shake her head even though Dorothy Stratton couldn’t see her through the phone.

“Ma.”

Cosima tried to keep her voice steady and patient, knowing that any hint of emotion would only add to her mother’s belief that she was not okay.

She stirred a dollop of honey into her morning oatmeal before she continued, “You and daddy planned this cruise months ago. There is absolutely no need for you to change your plans because you want to baby me. I’m not going to allow you to throw away something you’ve been looking forward to when I’m fine. Breakups happen every day. I’m old enough to pull on my big girl panties and keep it pushing.”

There was silence on the line, and for a brief moment, Cosima believed her mother had listened to reason. She should’ve known better. Cosima couldn’t think of a scenario where reason stood a chance against a mother’s fear that her child was in crisis. It definitely wasn’t this one.

“Breakups may happen every day, but let’s not pretend this is an average breakup. You and Damian were together for seven years, and the breakup happened right before Christmas.”

Cosima licked the back of her spoon and tossed it into her farmhouse-style kitchen sink, trying to think of the best way to appease her mother. She wanted to remind her that breakups were known for being inconvenient and that Thanksgiving was hardly right before Christmas. However, voicing those thoughts would probably add more fuel to her mother’s fire to argue, and Cosima was not in the mood. She wanted to bring her oatmeal to the tawny L-shaped couch pushed against the longest wall of her living room so she could wrap up in the burgundy blanket she kept thrown over the back and enjoy her breakfast while she caught up with the TV show she’d recently become obsessed with.

“I’m pretty sure I’ll find ways to amuse myself during what you think is a very trying time for me. There’s nothing that a Christmas sale at Sephora won’t solve.”

“Don’t be flippant, Cosima,” her mother said. There was a firming up of her tone that made Cosima roll her eyes heavenward. She had about five seconds to convince her lovely, beautiful, devoted — if not a little bit overbearing — mother that canceling the twelve-day cruise she and father had been planning for over a year wasn’t a good idea. And even less time to get off the phone before Dorothy suggested Cosima join her disgustingly loved-up parents as a third wheel on the trip.

“I will be fine,” she said, trying to make her voice sound extra certain. “I’m using the time to finish up a bunch of work I want to get done before the new year. The only thing I plan to break for is to put up my Christmas tree, and I’ll pop by Navaya’s on Christmas Day so I can have a homecooked meal.”

Cosima hoped the well-placed lie would silence her mother. She was depending on it, even though she wished she hadn’t had to resort to such tactics. It wasn’t that she didn’t understand her mother’s concern. She understood her friends’ concern too. Even the concern of the random acquaintances who popped up when whispers about her relationship’s demise started circulating made sense in theory. But she was fine. Maybe too fine. Perhaps that was where the real concern lay.

Damian hadn’t surprised her with the proposal everyone thought would happen on Thanksgiving. His family had been so sure that his sister had started dropping hints in the months leading up to the holiday and went as far as telling Cosima she needed to make sure her nails were on point for the family dinner. Cosima hadn’t dared voice her discomfort at the situation to anyone, but she’d spent the entirety of Thanksgiving dinner feeling anxious and jittery, dreading what seemed like an inevitability. The proposal never came, though. They’d returned to their hotel room in Denver after spending the evening gorging on sweet potato pies, turkey, and the baked macaroni and cheese his grandmother never failed to put her foot into in the five years Cosima had been spending Thanksgiving with his family, and he’d poured himself a large glass of vodka. Considering how infrequently Damian drank anything stronger than an IPA, Cosima immediately knew what he was trying to work up the courage to do. Her stomach twisted into ribbons, but soon an emotion she was still embarrassed to admit to everyone who rushed to her comfort afterward settled over her…relief.

She and Damian had been moving along in their relationship off the back of their familiarity with each other and the good times…really good times…they’d had in the past. Damian was solid and dependable, excellent in communication, even better in bed, and a perfect physical specimen. That was why Cosima had become excellent at ignoring the pangs of ‘this can’t be it’ that sometimes stuttered in her chest, leaving her feeling disappointed in herself.

She was perfectly content with Damian, even if sometimes a bit disconnected, but Cosima had assumed they would just continue meandering toward all the other checkbox stages of life. The engagement, the marriage, the house, the kids.

Damian put an end to all of that in the dim lighting of their hotel room in quiet, soothing tones and a voice laced with regret.

“We’ve been just going through the motions for a while now,” he’d said, brushing his hand across his face as he moved next to Cosima, where she sat on the bed with her back ramrod straight and body stiff. “I’m sorry.”

“Say something,” Damian urged after a few seconds passed while Cosima tried to process the avalanche of emotions she felt because rejection always stung — it didn’t matter that she could feel the first wisps of relief gathering like smoke in the pit of her stomach. Then, of course, guilt showed up to join the party of emotions that made it hard for her to breathe.

“You’re right,” she admitted after another few seconds ticked by, managing a small smile at the relief visibly snaking its way through her now ex-boyfriend’s body.

Seven years.

Cosima couldn’t believe seven years ended just like that. There were neither fireworks nor a bang. It ended as smoothly as the formalization of a well-negotiated business transaction.

Now that stung.

“I don’t understand,” she’d said when she was finally able to find her voice. “Why now? If we’ve been going through the motions, what made you decide to end it on Thanksgiving?”

His skin, the shade of toasted almonds, blanched a little. “This is the exact opposite of what I planned to do tonight.”

Damian reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black velvet box. “I was going to propose.”

A gurgle of laughter, more hysterical than amused, spilled from Cosima’s mouth. “Don’t get me wrong. You made the right decision. I just can’t figure out how you got here.”

“Work emailed me while we were playing charades after dinner,” he said. “I didn’t get the promotion I’d applied for within the company, but they offered me a higher-grade position at one of our partner companies…in Toronto. So many exciting things flashed through my mind as I immediately accepted the offer without thinking twice about consulting you. Then I spent the entire night thinking about what living in Toronto would be like, but I wasn’t envisioning us. It was the wake-up call I needed. Somewhere along the line going through the motions would become resentment, and I didn’t want that…not with you. I wanted to end things when there was at least a chance we might have a shot at still being friends.”

That was a month ago, and Cosima was still spending almost every waking moment trying to convince her closest friends and family that she was fine. It didn’t help her case when she decided she was going to spend Christmas on her own. Her mother and father had booked a cruise, so she’d initially planned to spend Christmas with Damian and his family, but now she just really wanted to have a low-key day at home.

“Cosima Rose Stratton,” her mother groused. “I might have been born in the nighttime, but I wasn’t born last night. I know you’re not planning to go to Navaya’s for dinner. Why did you have to go bring that sweet girl into your lies?”

“I’ll be fine, Ma, I promise. I’m not in bed crying into Damian’s old shirts. I’m okay. I just want to spend some time by myself this year. I want to watch a bunch of Christmas movies without worrying that I’m ruining someone else’s day.”

Dorothy sighed wearily as if she was sure that Cosima orchestrated the breakup just to find a way to make her life miserable. “Okay, Simmy. If you say so…”

“And I do.”

“… just make sure you know we’re here if you change your mind.”

“I know, and I love you for it,” Cosima said with a smile. “You go ahead and enjoy yourself — rekindle those sparks with daddy that I do not want to think about.”

“Goodbye, lil’ girl,” Dorothy said with a chuckle. “I love you too.”

Cosima was still smiling as she disconnected the call and turned back to her desktop to continue with the copyedits she really wanted to complete before the time she promised herself she’d end her workday. She wondered how many more conversations like this she would have in the week leading up to Christmas. Just the thought of having to repeatedly defend her decision while people tried to figure out if she was really okay made her stomach cramp up with unease.

Merry Christmas, indeed.

2. Tristan

Chapter 2

Tristan

Tristan shifted Nia to the other side of his body so he could get a better grip on the dead weight his daughter had become after falling asleep on the car ride home. He snuggled her close and ran to her mother’s front door, hoping to spare his sleeping baby girl a little bit of leftover chill from the unexpected snowfall that had covered Maryland earlier that week. He’d go get her coat and other belongings later. Lorraine answered the door before he knocked, so Tristan assumed she was watching from the front windows. He moved to offer the four-year-old to her mother, but his ex-wife shook her head and said, “Bring her in and put her to bed. I need to talk to you.”

Tristan paused for a split second before he followed Lorraine into the house, walking down halls he hadn’t been privy to until that point. She stopped in front of an open door. He took his first step into his daughter’s room, smiling at the pops of pink and purple and immediately knew how much the little girl must adore her room. He laid her down on the double bed with the fluffy purple blankets and planted a kiss on her forehead. Lorraine came up behind him and helped remove Nia’s boots before gesturing for him to meet in the hallway. He took in his little sleeping beauty with her smooth dark skin, a nose that reminded him so much of his own mother’s, and the way her thumb found her mouth even as she slept. He kissed her cheek once again before his curiosity had him following the path back to the living room while trying not to be nosy about Lorraine’s space. The entire interaction was weird. Tristan wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. He took a seat on the brown couch opposite where his ex-wife sat in a turquoise armchair, trying to decipher what the hell was going on. Lorraine, for her part, was behaving like it was normal for her to invite him in when he dropped Nia home and normal to offer him “something to drink?”

“Look,” he said with a small chuckle, “I’ll have you know I changed the beneficiary of my life insurance policies as soon as the divorce came through.”

Lorraine’s deep brown eyes widened with amusement as she sucked her teeth. “Shut up, Tristan. You play too much.”

“Me? Play? You telling me this is normal? Feels kinda setup-ish…”

“Because I invited you in?” Lorraine drawled. “Boy, please. I just need to run something by you.”

Maybe it was the way she could no longer meet his eyes or how she kept trying to smooth down her burgundy locs, but Tristan suddenly got the feeling he was really going to hate the words about to come out of her mouth.

He sat up straighter. “Yeah? What’s up?”

“I know you were supposed to have Nia all Christmas this year…”

“No.”

Lorraine visibly deflated, her dark brown skin losing some of its glow as she moved to sit next to him on the couch. “You haven’t even heard my proposition.”

“I’ve been looking forward to having Nia for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day all damn year, Lorraine. I don’t want to renegotiate the days. I bought the largest Christmas tree that can fit in my house and paid someone to decorate it in all her favorite colors. Nah…”

The indignation flowed out of him when he took another look at his ex-wife and realized she might just burst into tears. He sighed. Lorraine and Tristan’s marriage had been disastrous, but they had come together to do their best to put Nia’s well-being first. They were better co-parents than they’d ever been partners, and Lorraine never tried to make life difficult for him just for the hell of it. He owed it to her, he guessed, to at least hear what she had to say.

“What’s going on?”

Lorraine took a deep breath, and as the words started spilling from her mouth, Tristan began to kiss the idyllic Christmas he’d planned to have with his daughter goodbye.

“Jack and I planned to get married in Barbados in the summer,” she said. His gaze dropped to the engagement ring she’d been sporting for a little over six months now. She’d started dating his exact opposite about a year after their divorce. Jack was light-skinned where he was dark, solidly built where he was on the slimmer side, shorter where he was tall, and worked in insurance while Tristan owned a tattoo shop and dabbled with selling artistic prints on his website. They were alike in the one way that mattered to him, though, and that was when it came to their adoration for the little girl sleeping in the next room. He liked Jack enough that he’d been delighted when he proposed, knowing that Nia was gaining a great bonus dad.

“Yeah?” he said. “I doubt I’m on the invite list, and I’ve got no idea what that has to do with you wanting to change our Christmas arrangements.”

Lorraine laughed softly, more at ease now Tristan had dropped his attitude.

“If you would just let me get it out, TJ.”

He chuckled. “Damn. It’s been forever since you called me that. You must really be down bad.”

“One of the reasons we wanted to get married in Barbados besides me liking the idea of a tropical wedding is because he’s originally from there and liked the idea of having all his family present. We just got news that his grandmother, who practically raised him, isn’t doing very well, so we want to push the wedding up to Christmas. I don’t want to get married without my baby, Tristan.”

“Wow,” Tristan joked. “You’re not even playing fair.”

“I really hate doing this. Trust me, as much as you’ve been looking forward to your daddy-daughter Christmas celebration, Nia has been looking forward to it even more. If you agree, because I’m in no way suggesting you don’t have a choice, you can have her for all the major holidays next year, and I guess you can recreate your Christmas a week late.”

He wanted to say no. He wanted to be selfish enough to demand he got the time with Nia he’d been looking forward to, planning for, and even adjusting his business opening hours to accommodate. The time he’d planned to be so selfish with that he’d refused his mother’s continuous pleas that he bring Nia to Florida so they could spend Christmas with the rest of the extended family. He really wanted to. But he couldn’t.

There would be more Christmases, but hopefully, Lorraine would never have another wedding day. At four, Nia had no real concept of time anyway, so it would be just as much Christmas to her when she returned from Barbados as it would be in four days once the Christmas tree stayed up and the gifts remained under the tree. There was only one decision he could make when all was said and done.

“I guess I get to go figure out what I’ll do with all that time I blocked off,” he said, knowing he sounded defeated but not too pressed about it. He was agreeing to this because it was the right thing to do. That didn’t mean he needed to pretend he wasn’t disappointed.

Lorraine smiled widely at him, gratitude shimmering around her. Perhaps if they were closer — if things had ended better — she might have pulled him in for a friendly hug. Instead, she nodded at him and showed him to the door with noticeably lighter steps.

“I owe you,” she whispered once he returned the rest of Nia’s stuff from the car.

“That you do,” he responded, but his voice was light. He gave her a small salute and headed back to his car to contemplate how his plans to have the perfect Christmas had shattered in the blink of an eye.

3. Cosima

Chapter 3

Cosima

Cosima removed her large square-shaped tortoiseshell glasses, rubbed her eyes, and rolled her shoulders back, trying to stretch out the tension gathered there from the hours she’d spent at her computer finishing the last bit of work she needed to get done before she could officially log out for Christmas.

She couldn’t believe that despite what she told her mother, she hadn’t started preparing for Christmas yet.

It was the day before Christmas Eve, and she still hadn’t selected a Christmas tree, much less figured out a theme so she could begin purchasing décor.

She knew her mother thought her decision to spend Christmas alone meant she would be weeping in bed, cuddled up in one of Damian’s shirts, but Cosima still intended to have a full Christmas experience. She was looking forward to being able to spend Christmas on her own terms. She wouldn’t have to consider anyone else’s plans and would be free to snuggle in her favorite onesie while she watched the only two Home Alone movies that counted before settling in with a good Christmas meal and a holiday-themed romance novel. It mightn’t be the ideal Christmas for everyone, but Cosima was almost giddy with excitement at being able to spend Christmas in a way Damian had refused to on at least two occasions.

Cosima’s stomach grumbled, reminding her she hadn’t eaten much that day, only picking at snacks while she lost herself in the beautiful words of her friend and client Navaya’s latest novel. She crossed the small distance from the nook overlooking her apartment’s courtyard, where she’d set up a desk so she could have a workspace that let the light in. She rummaged through the fridge, knowing that although she had all the ingredients needed to create a tasty, filling meal, she’d much rather have someone else do the heavy lifting. It didn’t take long for her to decide she was going to order food but figured at the last minute that it might be good for her to leave the apartment since she’d been holed up there all day while she finished her copyedits. She decided on her favorite restaurant in downtown Silver Spring, a family-owned place known for its amazing crab cakes and hearty sides. The crab cakes were good enough to fight over, but Cosima was looking forward to getting her mouth on their baked macaroni and cheese.

She took her time getting ready, lingering under the steamy shower, lathering her coconut-scented body wash, which always left her skin feeling super luxurious. She donned her favorite pair of black jeans with a deep green knit sweater that never failed to keep her warm but also made her feel confident and sexy. Cosima checked herself in her hallway mirror, approving her fit before grabbing her boots from the hall closet along with her coat.

Cosima was one of those people who actively enjoyed winter. She enjoyed how quickly it got dark, she enjoyed the way she was able to bundle up, and she enjoyed the chill. She wasn’t sure if it was because it fell in the middle of her favorite season, but Christmas was hands down Cosima’s favorite holiday of the year, and she wasn’t shy about making sure everybody knew how much she loved all of it: the coziness, the lights, the music, the feeling of optimism that seemed to hang in the air.

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