I go through the movements of walking away from the bar. I get in the car, looking out the window the whole time. “I shouldn’t have threatened him,” I say. “You shouldn’t have gone over there.”

“If this is my father’s doing,” Beau says, “he’s going to pay for it.”

I laugh bitterly. “He’s never paid for a single fucking thing he’s done in his whole life.” I shake my head. “Last year, Herman,” I mention the guy who owned the gas station, “he disagreed with your father at a town hall meeting. He wanted to see the budget because he didn’t understand a couple of things. Two weeks later, he was out of business. No suppliers would sell anything to him. He tried to keep it going, but when you can’t get gas there, it kind of defeats the purpose of having a gas station.”

“What?” he asks, shocked.

“You really didn’t know?” I look over at him. “Like at all?” He just shakes his head. “Dude,” I say, looking down at my hands and seeing they are almost black from the ashes.

We pull up, and as soon as we shut off the truck, the front door is thrown open, and Ethan comes down running, tears streaked down his face. “What the fuck am I doing all this for?” I mumble as I get out of the truck and catch him in my arms.

“Mom.” I pick him up now, something that he’s stopped making me do since he’s ‘a growing boy’.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, buddy,” I say and walk toward the door where Kallie stands.

“I couldn’t get him back to bed. He just kept asking questions,” she says, and I smile at her. “Ethan, why don’t we cook a huge breakfast for everyone while your mom and Beau go and shower?”

I look over and see that Beau has ashes all in his hair and streaks of it on his face, too. “That sounds like a great idea.”

“Are you hungry?” Ethan asks, and I lie, nodding my head. “Can we make pancakes?” Ethan turns to ask Kallie, who would give this kid the whole world if he asked for it.

“That sounds good,” she says and holds out her hand for him. He squirms out of my arms, then walks up the steps and into the house with Kallie.

I turn, sitting on the steps. “It dawned on me that I only opened that bar to show people I could do it,” I tell Beau who stands in front of me. “I wanted the people who spoke of me with disdain to look at me and say wow, she’s doing it or, better yet, look at how far she’s come.”

“We’ll rebuild it,” he says without missing a beat.