Trying to turn this corner on the drinking, but I’m as fragile as an egg. I remember my mother sent my father to Father Mahon at St. Jerome’s when it got bad and he came home having taken the pledge. Didn’t really stick, but the memory of it spurred me to confession at Christ the King. I picked that parish for anonymity—the priests at Rita’s and Monica’s all know me. So I went into the booth and offered my confession and told the priest my big problem was the booze and I was praying for a cure. The priest had a very gentle voice and he absolved me and offered to meet in his office to talk about the drinking. Come after reconciliation, he said, so I said my penance and waited. I almost chickened out, but at the end of the hour I saw him come out from behind the screen and I gave him a few minutes and then followed his path out of the church to the parish offices. He met me straightaway, Father Thomas Meacham, Dallas Diocesan, and he offered me an iced tea and told me he was four years sober himself, which struck me funny—a surprise openness I wasn’t ready for. He drilled me with questions about my drinking—when had I last drank, was I ever in the hospital for it, etc. I didn’t tell him about the MS, or losing my job, and started walking it back on how big a problem the booze was. (Probably a sin of omission.)

He was very exacting—I almost wrote “sobering” there—as he listed options for me. The first suggestion was through the Church—a prayer and meditation retreat. A month at Montserrat to dry out, basically. This sounded a little too holy roller to me, and while becoming a monk had its advantages in the Dark Ages, I have a mortgage and tuition payments to make, so I need to stay on the job hunt. Then he mentioned outpatient therapy, which was offered at Medical City and elsewhere. This shocked me—the Church I grew up in was very anti–head shrinking—but again I didn’t mention the MS and I was worried that this was a complication that could cross wires, and I’m sick and tired of doctors and treatments without cures.