Dhara knew fear in many shapes. There was Ravana, the ten-headed Demon King of Lanka, who haunted her childhood dreams. All children are taught the Ramayana, the story of King Ravana, who stole Sita from Lord Rama. Rama took his army of monkey warriors from India, crossing the Palk Strait, to wage war on Ravana and claim back his queen. Rama was a god. The formless divine had taken the form of a man for the sole purpose of destroying Ravana and restoring justice. Dhara had learned her Ramayana well. But in the version of her childhood, the one that plagued her nights, Ravana defeated Rama, the demon defeated the god.

Fear also came to her when she started operating. She was afraid of hurting her patients. She asked Rajan about it. He patted her on the shoulder and said, ‘I hope you never lose that feeling, mahal. Someone’s life is in your hands.’

The advice wasn’t comforting. She ran to the bathroom immediately afterwards. The empty stomach had worked, though; it was a technique she used for shorter operations, where she could afford to go without a meal for five hours. She remembered her responsibility to her patients, and it gave her courage even if it couldn’t give her a steady stomach. All she needed was a steady hand, Priya would say. Dhara smiled. Priya often knew what to say. Sometimes, it was just the way she said it that helped. When she missed Priya, she could recall her voice, her laugh, her tone. It made her feel better.

Surgery required strength and stamina. There were times when she needed more than a drill to cut through bone. Sometimes it was as archaic as a saw, the torque and lever of her own body weight, and a consistent rhythm. Her supervising surgeons said she was strong for a woman. She had always been small; it was only through surgery that she became strong.

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Small beads of sweat formed on her upper lip. The soldier watched as she licked her lips a few times. She sat on a metal chair. He leaned in front of her on a metal desk as he spoke. They sat under a metal fan that no one had turned on. The room was small and windowless. The door opened and the soldier shook his head at someone. The door closed again.