‘Once a week, when I tell you I’m going to the Strathfield Library, I’m actually going to the army hospital where I treat soldiers and their families.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she asked.

‘I didn’t tell you because I knew you would think the job wasn’t good enough for me—or you. I like the job. The soldiers are good people. I think I’m helping them. I like the job and I’m going to keep it. I don’t want a new one or a better one. I want this one and you need to accept that.’

That was the end of the argument, but it had given her a reason, an excuse, to be angry.

A week later she was still trying to punish him. It had been almost a year since they’d left Colombo and she was still furious with him.

‘That’s enough, Nala.’

‘That’s not enough rice, you need to eat more,’ she said, brusquely forcing more food onto his plate. He was eating less these days, even though her cooking was improving.

‘I said it’s enough, and I’m not talking about the rice,’ he said.

‘What?’

‘Enough. You know what I’m talking about,’ he replied.

She put the spoon down and walked out of the kitchen. He was right: it was enough, but she didn’t know how to stop. She had never been like that before, but life had never been as it was now. Before was so much better. Before, before, before. She closed her eyes and wished for before.

He followed her out of the kitchen.

‘Don’t you think I wish we were still there? Don’t you think I want that life too? Do you think I wanted this?’ he said, motioning to the room around them. ‘I did my best. Maybe I should have moved us earlier. Maybe I should have taken a chance and kept us there. I don’t know. I don’t know what I should have done, but every single time, Nala, I did my best.’ When she didn’t reply, he spoke again.

‘If we sell the Colombo house, we could buy a bigger or better place in Sydney, if you wish?’ he said.

‘What do you wish, Rajan?’

‘I wish that you were happy,’ he replied slowly. ‘This apartment, where I live—I don’t care. I grew up in worse. Simplicity suits me. I miss Colombo, I do. But I’m relieved to be with the children. I’m relieved that at least two of them are safe.’

‘I can’t sell our home. I can’t,’ she said, shaking her head.