when they leave you,

hold love as tight

as possible.

it will fight you.

its feet will itch to run

after them.

keep it stitched

to your side.

when they leave you,

force the words

“i am still beautiful”

out of your mouth.

they will brace themselves

against the back of your throat,

drag their claws down your tongue

as you spit them out.

ignore the blood that wells

each time you say them.

speak through the red.

let it drip down your chin.

when they leave you,

do not beg them to stay.

wrap your heart in gauze

and change the bandages

every morning.

they could not do any better.

their hands are clumsy.

you must do this part

on your own.

when they leave you,

do not forget that

you are still here.

even if part of you

went with them,

you are still here.

there are things to be done.

roots to be planted,

blossoms to be nourished,

flowers to be picked.

when they leave you,

keep loving yourself.

you still deserve that kindness.

no matter what,

you deserve that.

if i were given the chance

to do it all over again,

i don’t think i would.

i think that if i went into it

knowing the kind of person

you really were,

i would fight so hard to change you

and it would only break my heart more

when i failed.

burn

you were like a sun

to me—

bright and burning

and consuming.

when i touched you

i felt fire shoot down

my arm and i thought,

this must be it,

nothing could be

more than this,

for why would

kissing you

feel like a galaxy

if our love was not

of the stars?

but now i nurse

burn marks

on my hands

from where you

became too much

to hold on to

(that did not stop me),

i replay the memory

of our burnout

and i think to myself,

how glad i am

that you were not

the love of my life.

that does not stop me

from worrying, though.

when your face pops

into my head even now,

i worry.

when i look at something

and am reminded of you,

i worry.

once, it terrified me,

the thought that you

were supposed to be

the one but we were

both too foolish and young

to figure that out,

that we took something great

and reduced it to ash.

i was so afraid

you might have been

the love of my life

and every love after

would simply be trying

to fill the hole

you left in me.

i suppose

there are moments

where that fear still

grips me.

i suppose

there always will be.

learning to be thankful

for the lessons

i learned from loving you

has been the hardest battle

of all.

but i guess,

if it hadn’t been you,

if could’ve been somebody else,

maybe in the future

when i had more to lose.

so if you are

the most painful love