That was a lie. A kind one. But it was a total lie.

He didn’t want me, plain and simple.

I was just his…“attractive” neighbor.

I gave him that because he needed to give it to me and I needed to let him.

“You’re right,” I agreed.

“You’re a good woman, Amelia.”

God, that was completely lame.

But worse, I wasn’t even that.

“I…I’m…” I shook my head. “I can’t say how sorry I am. You’re a good neighbor. You’re a good guy. You’ve been so very kind to me. And you’ve got great kids. Can we,” I shrugged, hoping it was nonchalantly, “forget this even happened?”

That’s when the grin came but it killed that it wasn’t easy.

“Absolutely.”

I swallowed before I nodded and said, “Thanks, Mickey.” I drew in a breath and let it out finishing, “And again, I’m really sorry.”

“Nothin’ to apologize for. It didn’t happen.”

A good man. A kind man.

A man with great kids, all of whom I’d now go out of my way to see extremely rarely.

It was wave from the car or haul my behind into the house if I had the bad fortune to be out when they were out time.

“Right,” I said, injecting a firm thread in my voice. “I’d ask you in for a glass of wine but I don’t have glasses and I’m kinda in the middle of something.”

His grin got easier. “I’d say I appreciate the offer but I don’t drink wine and I also got shit to do.”

He was lying.

Then again, so was I.

It was over.

This should have caused me relief but instead, it dug deep then curled out long tentacles, the tips spreading acid through every part of me.

“Okay.” I started to close the door. “See you around, Mickey.”

“Hope so.”

That was a lie too.

I pushed my lips up into a smile.

He held his grin as he lifted a hand and turned away.

I didn’t wait politely to close and lock the door, I did it immediately.

I turned back to the room. The recessed overhead lights were on, dimmed, but I’d normally never turn on overhead lights. I’d use lamps.

Except I didn’t have any.

My feet wanted to take me to my bedroom, the bathroom there, the mirror there.

I didn’t let them.

I walked to the kitchen and I did this thinking, fuck it.

So when I got to the kitchen, I opened a bottle of wine and poured a healthy portion into a plastic cup.

I took it out to my deck. Since moving in, I’d been out there, not much. When I got to the railing and stopped, I felt the chill coming off the sea and I liked it.

I needed deck furniture.

I needed a to-do list.

I needed a to-do list with a variety of headings, this likely ending up the length of Santa’s gift list.

But first, I needed to make a decision.