When he shut the pickup’s door, the kid just stood there, staring up at Hawk with big eyes. Unhappy eyes that hurt something deep inside Hawk’s chest.

“C’mon, kid.”

Aric didn’t move. Just held his arms up in a way he hadn’t for weeks. And he had tears in his eyes.

Hawk wanted to sit down beside him and bawl too. Getting shot, getting knifed had been less painful. “Sure, buddy.”

He lifted Aric carefully, an arm under his ass.

The kid’s arm went around his neck, head on Hawk’s shoulder. Why the fuck was the boy snuggling up to a monster?

Hawk pulled in a breath and carried his charge out to the courtyard. Time to man up, confess, and disappear for the good of all of them.

Everyone was already on the patio.

Wearing a baseball cap with her hair pulled through the back, Kit tossed a salad and chatted with JJ about some celebration for Audrey.

Frankie was learning to grill, something the city girl hadn’t yet mastered. To one side, Bull offered suggestions.

At the end of the table, Audrey was unloading condiments from a tray.

Gabe and Caz were setting the table with Regan’s help.

His family. So normal, so fucking amazing.

The sense of loss was like the bite of shrapnel, ripping his chest to shreds. As Hawk carried Aric to the patio, his boots felt as if they were weighted down with lead.

“Hey, honey bear.” Kit hurried up, obviously having seen the tear-streaked face. “What’s wrong?”

Hawk tried to hand over the kid, but Aric’s arm tightened around his neck.

The boy had no sense of self-preservation.

Kit turned to Hawk, brown eyes filled with worry. And everyone on the patio went silent.

Time to gut himself, bleed out, and leave.

“I fucked up.” Hawk pulled in a breath. “I shouldn’t be around kids; it’s not safe.”

Rather than grabbing her son and backing away, Kit moved closer. “I don’t understand.”

Jesus.

“Hawk.” Caz sat down on the picnic table within reach. “What happened, ’mano?”

Brother. That wasn’t a word he was worthy of.

Kit deserved an explanation; they all did. Yeah, get it out, asshole. “I yelled at Aric. Grabbed him too rough. Scared the shit out of him. I’ll leave; don’t worry, I’ll—”

“No.” Aric had both arms around Hawk’s neck now. “No.”

Kit’s frown deepened. “I’m not sure I’ve ever heard you yell. What made you shout at Aric?”

“It’s not his fault,” Hawk said. “I was wrong to—”

“Rachel took my toy, and I t’rowed stuff. Books. At her.” The tiny voice was so unhappy.

Hawk felt tears on his neck. “No, Aric, it’s—”

“I yelled too,” Aric said. “Am I bad?”