My stomach continues its acrobatics, tying itself into knots. I wrap my arms around myself, silently pleading for it to settle. I’m unaware of the pinched shape my face must’ve taken on when he asks with genuine concern, “Are you okay?”

I can’t tell him I’m freaking out, so I lie. Admittedly, not something I’m particularly good at.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I try to pull off a nonchalant shrug and say the first thing that pops into my head. “Just a little gassy. You know, Mexican food…”

You did NOT just say that!

Jeremy’s soft smile falls into a disgusted frown.

“Right,” he says. He eyes his car in the parking lot, undoubtedly eager to get away from my train wreck of a personality.

“I had a nice time, too,” I try to backpedal.

He gives me a forced smile. Now who looks gassy? This guy’s officially lost interest. Can’t say I blame him.

“Well, it’s getting pretty late.” He backs away with a wave, clearly avoiding any physical contact at this point. “Have a nice night, Elizabeth.”

“You too, Jeremy.” I return the awkward wave and make my way home, my head hanging in shame the whole way.

The second my front door shuts behind me, I beeline for my computer. I pull on my headset and stare at the video chat window, waiting for Jackie to answer. Jackie is my best—and only—friend. With bright red hair and a nose ring, she’s also my complete opposite. She’s a fierce and feisty woman, the human equivalent of a chihuahua. Small but bossy, Jackie is hellbent on conquering the world. So. Not. Me. I hate being noticed and try to fly under the radar. She loves being the center of attention and ends up bossing everyone around. I count on her for brutal, unabridged honesty.

“¿Qué pasa, chica? That’s Spanish for sup, girlie? Thought you could use a little culture in your life.” Jackie’s megawatt smile and flaming red locks light up my screen. The smile fades when she sees the defeat stamped across my face. Or, is it loser stamped on my forehead? Or, maybe twenty-one-year-old virgin?

“Hey, what’s with the sad face?” Her voice drags my brain away from contemplating facial tattoos to commemorate my failures and back to the real world.

“I had my date tonight with Jeremy.”

She stares at me blankly. “Who the fuck is Jeremy?”

“You know, CommanderUxorious?” His username finally sparks recognition in her eyes.

“Oooohhhh, that geekalicious noob you’ve been chatting with for…” She pauses, taking an overly dramatic deep breath before adding, “Fooooreeeeveeeer?”

“Shut up. It hasn’t been that long. Only six months.”

“That’s three times the life expectancy of one of my relationships. So, was he hot?”

I try to think of a nice way to describe Jeremy. “He’s kinda cute. In a hobbitish sort of way.”

“Hobbitish? What the fuck does that mean? Like hairy feet and a fetish for second breakfast?” Jackie asks with a chuckle.

“Well, he’s kind of short. And hairy. And chubby. He reminds me of a hobbit. Not in a bad way. Or maybe a guinea pig?”