This game used to be the only place I could be myself. But that’s not true anymore. Austin saw me in all my weird, awkward glory. He saw me and he didn’t run away. Our fake relationship is the realest one I’ve ever had. Losing Uforia felt like losing myself, but it’s not. It was the end of a fantasy. Austin helped me find who I am. Losing him hurts more than losing a million Uforias.

I reach for my phone and dial his number, not knowing what I could possibly say to him.

Don’t leave me.

You are the only thing that’s important.

I want to be with you.

I love you.

I can’t find the words. It doesn’t matter, he doesn’t answer anyway.

I’ve lost him.

I make my way to my bed and throw myself into the sheets. They smell like Austin. I slam my eyes closed tight, but the tears come anyway. I remember his smile, his laugh, his words. Phantom tingles torture me with the memory of his touch. I crave the safety of his arms. The feeling of home.

I want to crumple up into a ball. I want to hide and cry and pretend the world doesn’t exist. Austin’s voice rings in my head, tormenting me in the darkness. I need you to be brave. I bury my face in the pillow. I can’t. Yes, you can. I shake my head, my sobs subsiding into quiet, deep breaths. Silly Goose. Don’t you know you’re a goddess? You can do anything.

I sit up and wipe away the remaining tears. If Austin believes in me, I sure as hell should be able to believe in myself. It’s time for me to grow up and deal with the real world. I can’t keep running away from my fears, hiding behind a computer screen and avoiding anyone who might be able to hurt me. I need to make this right. I can do this.

* * * *

I plop down in front of Austin, same as the first time we met. That was another lifetime. Just a few weeks ago I didn’t know who he was or how much he would teach me about life. About myself. Sitting across from him again, I’m even more terrified than the first time. I know what I have to lose now.

His beautiful blue eyes meet mine and I launch right into my rambling. “So, here’s the thing. I’m an idiot. And a jerk. And I miss you. A lot. Like so much I can’t sleep.”