‘Drown Santa? Send a few Santas white-water-rafting down the river and have a race to see which one makes it back by December?’

‘I was thinking more along the lines of meet Santa by the river for an afternoon tea of candycane cupcakes and gingerbread houses and get a mid-year update on his preparations for Christmas? There could be festive-themed games and presents, and a theme of keeping the spirit of Christmas alive all year through, like Scrooge says at the end of A Christmas Carol when the last ghost leaves.’

I expect him to laugh at me, but when I pluck up the courage to look at him, he’s still watching the road but his lips are tucked together and both his eyebrows are raised. He doesn’t look completely unimpressed.

It gives me the courage to continue. ‘There could be scavenger hunts to find presents hidden under the trees and elf hide-and-seek. Don’t you think it would be nice for kids who love Christmas to get to celebrate it in the middle of the year too?’

‘You’re planning on sticking around that long then?’

I flinch at the harshness of his words but he continues before I have a chance to snap something back at him.

‘In my experience, when things get tough, people usually don’t.’

‘I didn’t come here thinking this was going to be easy.’ I don’t mention that I expected it to be marginally easier than it is, but that’s beside the point. ‘I wanted something to completely change my life. Something my parents would’ve been proud of. I’m not going to give up at the first hurdle. That would defeat the object.’

‘Well, summer Santa and elves and scavenger hunts sound great. You’re not going to make Santa wear his summer uniform of tiny red Speedos with a white furry trim, are you? I don’t think my eyeballs could take all the bleach they’d need after that sight.’

The thought makes me giggle even though I’m annoyed at him for thinking that I’m going to leave or that I’d dress Santa in swimming trunks that don’t look good on anyone, especially a man of Santa’s traditional age, body type, and hirsuteness.

‘Maybe we can team up and do some co-advertising next year, your festive summer picnics and my corn maze. They’re close enough that people can easily visit both, and we could think of a way to incorporate each other’s produce and extend both the Christmas and Halloween season.’

‘I’d like that.’ I accept it for the concession it is. He must’ve been hurt by someone leaving, and he hasn’t got a high opinion of anyone from a city, and he obviously doesn’t like me enough to tell me about it, so there’s no point in pushing it.