I shuffle towards him, knowing he can tell how reluctant I am. He turns to give me a soft smile, and his hood blows down which is nearly my undoing. His hair is up in a ponytail but more bits of it have blown out than remain in and the wind tangles them around his face. His ears are red from the cold, and the snow lands in flakes on his hair, and it’s so cold that they don’t even start to melt from body heat like snow usually does when it lands on you. He doesn’t bother to put the hood back up, and every part of me is screaming to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him down to me. He looks completely dejected as he lingers, waiting for me to clue him in on what’s changed between us.

‘Do you want to give the hot chocolate machine a final test run to warm up?’ I offer against my better judgement.

‘No, because I can see how much you don’t want me to and I’m not about to push myself in where I’m not wanted. I just want you to tell me what I’ve done wrong.’

‘Noth …’ I go to tell him it’s nothing but I cut myself off because being the other bidder in the auction isn’t nothing, but I can’t find the words to tell him what it is, and I don’t want to hear his excuses. I hate seeing him looking so hurt. I want to hug him so badly that I’ll believe anything he tells me, and I can’t fall for it again.

He shakes his head when I don’t answer. ‘I had to mess it up sooner or later. I suppose I should be grateful that it was sooner. I must’ve saved us both a lot of heartache down the road.’

‘Noel …’ I look out at the frozen river, snaking its way across the farm until it disappears under a hedge and through the empty land next door. It’s an impressive sight and looking at it is easier than trying to think of what to say to Noel.

‘Is it because I kissed you? I thought you were into it, but if I overstepped a mark or something … I’m so sorry.’

Oh god, Noel, don’t apologise for kissing me. I swallow around the lump that springs to my throat at how sincere he looks. He genuinely thinks I’m annoyed with him because of that breathtaking kiss the other night. If only it was that simple.

‘I know you’re avoiding me.’

‘I’m not avoiding you.’ My voice comes out hoarse and unstable. ‘Just busy. Preparing my Christmas trees, for my business, which I bought, for me.’