It’s weird to be involved but not involved at all. There was no point in me doing a Christmas-tree-themed Christmas tree, but I want Noel to win so badly that I’m as invested as anyone else with a tree in the race, and we’re surrounded by other market traders who have rented their own trees and representatives from the businesses who have got involved, staying to watch the progress of the judging.

A local car dealership who have decorated their tree with silver tinsel, hanging car air fresheners, and keyrings bearing the logos of well-known car brands. A takeaway delivery company whose tree is adorned with metallic baubles of pizza, fries, and hot dogs. A DIY shop whose decorations are samples of custom-mixed paint cards in a rainbow of colours. A secondhand furniture shop from one of the nearby industrial estates have made chairs, tables, and sofas out of miniature clothes pegs and strung their tree with bunting bearing the shop’s logo. A seafood restaurant from the nearest big town who have gone for a lobster and crab theme, and a pet supplies shop whose tree is laden with garlands of plaited dog leads and their branches are hung with metallic collar ID discs, engraved with the names of people’s own pets that they asked locals to put forward in the store. The bookseller’s tree is covered in free bookmarks with a sign up saying ‘help yourself’ and strung with paperchains of well-known book quotes, the flower seller has tied poinsettias on to every branch of his tree, and the Scottish souvenir seller has hung up lots of flags and mini nutcrackers wearing kilts and playing bagpipes.

All the stalls are temporarily shut while the votes are counted. An audience of customers stand around waiting. Children, teachers, parents who have accompanied the schools, parents who have popped down anyway to watch their children having the festive equivalent of a day in parliament, making a decision that you’d think was equally vital. Teachers have obviously played up the importance of having an input into their festive surroundings, and each child acts like a Westminster politician, but more civilised, as they wait for the town mayor to count each vote. The news crew wander around filming everything, photographers are snapping pictures, and there are reporters walking around with notebooks and Dictaphones, asking the children how they decided on their favourite and trying to get them to reveal their top-secret votes. Fellow stallholders come over to wish Noel luck, and even Glenna has ventured down with Gizmo for moral support.

We wait with bated breath.

After what seems like hours, the local mayor is ready to announce the winner. He taps his microphone to make sure all eyes are on him. ‘By a clear margin, the winner is … Roscoe Farm’s Cinderella pumpkin tree.’