‘I don’t know what I was thinking asking her to come back here with me. She thought it was a joke at first. I made the decision in an instant. Within five minutes of hanging up the phone to Mum, I’d put my resignation letter on my boss’s desk and walked out. I hadn’t shared any part of my life with her before then, she’d had no idea that I’d grown up on a farm or that my dad was dead, it came as quite a shock. And yes, I do now see how unhealthy the relationship was, but I thought we were in love. I knew I hadn’t treated her right in London, and this was going to be a fresh start for us, a new life away from the distractions of the city. I thought that was what she wanted. I thought I was what she wanted.’

I move from stroking his palm to playing with his slack fingers, trying to be bold enough to slot mine between his and properly hold his hand.

‘Once we got here, I changed instantly. The invisible weight I’d been struggling under lifted the moment we crossed the border into Scotland. I’d been running away for years. I’d always felt like I was trying to outrun something in London, a crushing steel fist of the grief I’d never acknowledged. Here, everything felt right for the first time in years. I slotted back in like I’d never been away, but all she wanted to do was go shopping. She didn’t seem to realise that I wasn’t earning the money I’d had before or that there wasn’t a Harvey Nicks five minutes down the road. I kept trying to get her involved, but she hated every inch of it. It was like she was humouring me, waiting for me to come to my senses and go back to London. I see how it looked like she was taking advantage, but I felt like I’d ruined her life by bringing her here. I tried to make up for it by paying for treats and days out shopping and spa days, but the farm needed investment and what was left of what I’d earned in London had to go on that. When the money ran out, she realised that it was the only thing she’d ever liked about me and left. Turns out that everlasting true love is about as deep as the bottom of my bank balance.’

This time I do slot my fingers between his and his hand closes around mine. ‘I’m sorry, Noel. That’s horrible.’