He grins. ‘I’m not. But I’ve been doing this for twenty-something years, and you thought Christmas trees naturally grew in a perfectly symmetrical cone shape.’

I watch as he demonstrates again, but watching Noel is never conducive for concentration, and what I find myself watching is the way his biceps move, straining against the cream and brown flannel shirt with every flick of his knife. He’s wearing faded, holey work jeans and that navy padded bodywarmer again, and his shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, despite the fact there’s a fine mist of drizzle in the air.

He gestures towards the tree in front of me, indicating that I should try again, so I point the knife at the Christmas tree.

‘My name is Inigo Montoya …’

I burst out laughing so hard that I have to drop the knife for safety reasons.

‘Will you stop doing that?’ I rasp at him. It’s not the first The Princess Bride reference he’s made today and I have no doubt that it won’t be the last. ‘Are you trying to make sure I’m terrible at this so I have to beg you for help or what? Are you secretly looking for another job?’

‘I love doing this.’ He shrugs. ‘This is not work to me. You have a lot of trees to prune and, no matter how quickly you learn and how many workers you employ, you’re not going to get them all done with less than three weeks until December. Although, like I said, it’s completely the wrong time of year for pruning. We need to do only the ones you intend to sell this year and the rest can be tackled in the spring. The spruces and firs can survive being pruned now, but the new growth becomes harder and more difficult to shape in the future, so you’re setting yourself up for problems down the line, but it’s a choice between that or absolutely no trees for sale this year, apart from the Peppermint firs, and with only those to offer, the crop will be decimated too quickly.’

I pick up the knife again and aim it at the tree, holding it sideways on. I try to mimic the downwards slicing motion he makes look so effortless. There are plenty of branches sticking out from the dense body of the five-foot tall tree in front of me. It cannot be that difficult.