‘Oh, thank god.’ Fergus lets out a sigh of relief as he thrusts a mince pie at us both. ‘Here, your first one of the season. You have to make a wish as you bite into it. It’s tradition.’

‘Isn’t that birthday cakes?’ I ask in confusion.

Noel laughs. ‘This is an old mince pie tradition and Fergus won’t rest until he’s provided all of Elffield with his magical mince pies.’

The idea of magical mince pies makes me start giggling and the serious expression on both Noel and Fergus’s faces only makes it funnier, until Noel elbows me in the arm. ‘Well, wish or no wish, one of Fergus’s mince pies is a miracle in itself. Thanks, mate.’

He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and hesitates for a second like he’s making a wish, then he seems to steel himself before biting into it. ‘Mmm, this is so good,’ he says around a mouthful. ‘So rich and decadent, Fergus, you’ve outdone yourself this year. In fact, it’s so good that I’m going to save the rest for later. I’m still full from breakfast so I can’t fully appreciate it.’ He wraps the pie back up in its paper bag and stuffs it into his pocket. ‘Thank you, I’m going to savour that with a cuppa when I get home.’

I narrow my eyes as I look at him. He’s overcompensating and I can’t work out what for. Fergus’s gingerbread trombone that I had earlier was delicious. Maybe Noel just doesn’t believe in magic.

He nudges me. ‘Go on, Lee, make a wish.’

I know he knows something I don’t know, but Fergus is looking at me with that same expectant look he had when he gave me the gingerbread trombone earlier, so I close my eyes, silently make my wish, and take a bite of … unusually hard pastry, and … good lord, what is that in the middle? Surely that’s not the usual fruit and spice mix? It’s very … chewy, and not in a good way. Was that a raisin? I nearly lost a filling to that. I suddenly know exactly why Noel was overacting.

‘Oh, wow, that’s really good, Fergus.’ It just sort of sits there in my mouth, impossible to chew, impossible to swallow, and impossible to spit out with Fergus watching. ‘I’ve never had a mince pie quite like it.’

A beam lights up his face. He genuinely can’t realise how bad these mince pies are, can he? Maybe he’s trying to re-enact the Friends episode where Rachel got the pages of her recipe book stuck together and put beef in a trifle?