It had come out wrong. She had meant to say, ‘I think you love me.’

‘Thank you, dear Lena. You’re a … free spirit. I’m so fond of you, too.’

He hesitated, then, as though it was an afterthought, kissed her lips. Lena felt his energy enter her veins. For the first time in her life, she thought that someone might take the weight of her existence. She’d lose nothing by a division of herself; not if she could draw on his strength.

She took him by the hand and led him over to the narrow bed. She was not sure what ought to happen next.

‘Should we be doing this?’ said Rudolf.

Lena laughed, which felt better than answering. In what happened afterwards, she had to lead him, even though each step was unknown to her. At the very end, some instinct seemed to compel Rudolf’s movements to a natural end. It was done quickly; she felt no pain and little pleasure, only a desire to keep him there, close by her.

He lay beside her and stroked her hair, unspeaking.

She wanted him to tell the truth about his loving her. But for all that his body was still lying in her bed, she had little sense of Rudolf, her friend. That person seemed to have withdrawn.

Perhaps it was always like this, she thought, though surely it was now for him to speak or move. If she got off the bed, she would be shy about covering her breasts and letting him see her with no clothes.

Eventually, he stirred. ‘You’re more than I deserve, Lena. Such a dear girl.’

‘Don’t be silly, Rudi,’ she said, relieved that he had spoken at last.

‘I’m going to dress now,’ he said. ‘Have you got a dressing gown I can pass you?’

‘No. Let me have that slip.’

She didn’t watch while he picked up his clothes from the floor and put them on. She wriggled into the slip as she sat on the bed.

When she was sure he would be dressed, she looked across the room and caught his eye.

He looked down. ‘I’m reading a paper to Rebirth on Friday,’ he said.

Lena looked down at her bare knees. ‘What’s it about?’

‘About what’s happening in Germany.’

‘That would be interesting.’

‘I don’t think you’d like it.’

Springing from the bed, Lena went and put her hands on Rudolf’s arms. ‘Are you all right, Rudolf? Have I done something wrong?’

‘No, no, little girl. Not at all. I’m just a bit distracted, thinking about … You know, the paper and everything.’

‘Was it all right, what we did? We don’t have to do it again. You can forget it happened.’ She kissed his cheek.

‘I won’t forget. It was … lovely.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Of course. We can talk about it all another time.’

‘So is it all right if I come on Friday?’

‘Yes. If you want to. I’d better go now.’

He hugged her briefly and Lena heard his steps on the landing, then going down the wooden stairs. Her legs folded beneath her and she sat down hard on the bed.