“Oh, thank you for offering, but I only drink if it’s organic,” she says. I can’t tell if she’s being serious or not, because I’ve literally never heard such a thing, but by the exaggerated roll of Vonnie’s eyes, I realize that she is indeed serious.

I’m not sure why this surprises me.

Greer Francis—wife to Darren, the second-string safety—is basically a living, breathing, motivational Instagram account. When she walked into the suite, she deemed that our energy was off and rolled us with whatever essential oil blend she carries in her purse before reciting her quote of the day. Her long, ash-brown hair falls down her back with loose curls. It’s the kind of hair that convinces me she’s worn a flower crown more than once in her life. Wearing ripped-at-the-knee jeans with a checkered button-up beneath a chunky sweater and distressed loafers that she for sure bought that way, I can guarantee she’s ordered at least five pumpkin spice lattes this fall.

And that’s not me being a hater. Because I’m a fan of ALL of it.

Being the most basic person ever is on my vision board . . . if I had a vision board. But that’s just one more thing I’m sure Greer has that I’m here for.

“Really? Are there a lot of organic alcohol brands out there?” I ask because now I am truly curious.

The trip when I was chased by a squirrel through Central Park, I also went to the Church of Scientology. It was during the height of Tom Cruise and his crusade for his one true religion . . . it also had air-conditioning on a hot and humid day. When I sat down to stay for the movie they offered about the church, the eyes of the woman who worked there—maybe worked? Maybe volunteered? Who knows?—lit up like she finally caught a fresh one. And now, Greer has that same gleam in her eyes.

“There are!” She bounces in her probably vegan leather loafers. “I eliminated all GMO foods from my diet years ago. I did a ton of research and realized that even though my food was clean, my drinks weren’t. People think all of the bad stuff is burned off when alcohol is distilled, but that’s not the case. I just try to be very mindful of everything I put in my body and how it affects not only my health, but the environment as well.”

“That’s great.” I nod, trying to remember the last time I was purposefully mindful of anything. “I had a Diet Coke and donut for breakfast.”

This could be why Greer has skin that glows like the sun while mine is a confused mash-up of random breakouts and wrinkles.