At one point she looked up and noticed that Lenny wasn’t there, and recalled that she hadn’t seen him all day, or even the day before. Was that strange behavior? Out of character? Maybe the strange behavior was hers, for even noticing. She rarely paid attention to the crew unless she was trying to avoid them. Mostly she watched Ashley instead.

A few minutes after eating, Mara’s stomach turned. Not sickness exactly, but she rushed to the cover of trees, and didn’t make it past the hidden cameras before squatting, emptying herself of contents she didn’t know she had. As if her body had clung to all it could for weeks, just in case, and only now could it let go. She glanced at the nearest camera, feeling humiliated and then defiant—if they wanted to see everything, this was what they got. The release came in waves; she wiped herself clean with leaves four times before it was over. Then, finally emptied, she stood back up.

As Mara walked into camp, she spotted Tom waving, gesturing from behind the cameras. He had never beckoned her before. They simply met or didn’t. A few times she’d gone to the grove and he never came, and she imagined he must have done the same, although not if she could help it, because she never wanted to miss an opportunity for food. But to gesture here, in sight of other crew members—even then, it struck her as odd. He waved in frantic motions, quick bursts of movement before lowering his hand and glancing around.

He probably realized that he’d hurt her with his comment about naiveté, and now he wanted to apologize. On another day she would have snuck over to meet him, hopeful that he’d make it up to her with a bar. But now her stomach was full, and that made her impervious. She pretended not to see him. She kept walking, facing ahead, even as his gestures grew bolder, almost desperate.

So he would wait, like she had waited. He wasn’t the only one with power. Tom needed her, too, didn’t he? To make him feel important? And maybe she needed him less than she’d realized. She had fish now, and more fish coming. She had Ashley.

In retrospect, she would consider that moment a million times. What was Tom so desperate to tell her? Maybe it really was an apology. Maybe a pinch of salt he wanted to drop in her hand, flavor for the fish. Maybe he was feeling particularly insecure and wanted reassurance that his ex-wife didn’t deserve him.

Or maybe it was a warning, an explanation, for what would come. For the way their lives were about to change. Maybe Tom had really meant it when he said he wanted to look out for her. Maybe, in his way, he was trying.

But Mara ignored him, and joined her partners at the fire. She never learned what he wanted to tell her. She never saw him again.