Contents (41)
As she packed, Ashley seemed quieter. Mara thought she was just feeling thoughtful. But then she saw that Ashley’s eyes were red.
“What’s wrong?” said Mara. “You don’t want to leave?”
It wasn’t too late to stay.
“It’s nothing,” said Ashley.
“You can say it.”
“I know it’s stupid. I was just thinking about the last camp, and how we left, and now I can’t stop thinking about the fish.”
Mara had no idea what she was talking about.
“The fish,” said Ashley. “The fish trap. We never took it apart.”
“It’s fine,” said Mara. “I’m sure they got out.”
It was a reflex, reassuring Ashley. Saying whatever she could to keep her whole.
“No,” said Ashley. “Tell me the truth. Is it possible they’re still in there?”
Mara had never once thought about the fish trap since they left. Now she pictured it: how carefully it was constructed, how tightly they had woven the walls. So that fish could swim in but never out. If even one fish died there, its body would turn into bait for others. The more fish came and died, the more it would become an irresistible draw.
“I think that with enough time,” Mara said, “they’d be able to get out.”
“You’re lying.”
“Yes.”
“Fuck.” Ashley sat down. “Fuck. What is wrong with me?”
“Nothing’s wrong with you. You’re trying to be kind.” Mara started to say that she shouldn’t worry, that cruelty to fish wasn’t a real thing, but then she stopped herself. That seemed like something only fish knew.
“What if I fix it?” Mara said.
“What do you mean?”
“If I go back and take the trap apart. And then we leave.”
“You would do that?”
For you, she thought. For you I would. To keep you whole. But Mara just nodded and squeezed her hand, and Ashley hugged her tight.
Now Mara had to tell Bullfrog, which seemed the harder part. He’d think the mission was foolish. Mara thought it was foolish. She found him by the canoe. He sat on a folded blanket, carving a paddle out of ash.
“Actually,” he said, “I don’t think it’s a bad idea.”
“Really?”
“I was thinking one of us should go back anyway. See what’s left. Maybe there’s something useful.”
“That’ll be weird. Seeing it.”
“No weirder than anything else.”
Mara had hoped that Bullfrog would talk her out of the trip.
“We’re not running out of time?”
“There’s always time to rescue fish.”
“Shut up.”
“I’m serious,” he said. “No reason to leave them there, if we can help it.”
“They would die anyway.” Mara didn’t mean it. She wanted to see what he said.
“Maybe, but not today.”
Mara felt strangely happy as she walked back to the cabin. Bullfrog turned back to his wood.
It was odd to pack alone, even for a two-day trip. Some canned spaghetti, and iodine drops so she wouldn’t have to boil water along the way. A headlamp and spare batteries, for the luxury of walking at night. Bullfrog gave her the spotted skunk pelt to leave behind. An offering, he said, and she knew what he meant.