Complex? My eyebrows shot up. ‘Er, excuse me. I’m not working with him. I don’t want anything to do with you lot.’

The Ipsissimus took on an expression of great sufferance. ‘You will.’

I crossed my arms. ‘No. I won’t.’

‘When you left the Order—’

‘When I was expelled.’

A tiny vein bulged in his forehead. ‘When you left the Order, we decided that it would be prudent not to take further action against you, Ms Wilde. You assaulted a fellow Neophyte.’

Now it was my time to twitch. ‘What’s your point?’

‘We can still bring charges against you.’

I met his eyes; the good ol’ Ipsissimus wasn’t bluffing. I shrugged. ‘Go ahead. What’s the worst that could happen?’

‘You end up in prison for up to five years.’

Oh. ‘I doubt the Order would want the negative publicity,’ I said calmly. ‘It wouldn’t look good having a young Order member behind bars.’

‘That was certainly the case eight years ago. But you’re no longer a fresh-faced teenager.’ He consulted a sheet of paper in front of him. ‘You’ve been driving taxis.’

‘It’s an honest profession.’

‘Indeed.’ The Ipsissimus rubbed his chin. ‘You’ve had several complaints brought against you for refusing to drive customers long distances. You only put in the minimum hours required. In the time since you left the Order, you’ve essentially achieved nothing. You’re hardly a paragon of virtue. I don’t think many people would have sympathy for you.’

My bottom lip jutted out. ‘I don’t think that’s fair! I’ve achieved a great deal since I was expelled.’ I leant forward slightly. ‘I once won five hundred pounds on a This Morning phone-in competition. And not many other people can say they’ve never missed an episode of Enchantment.’ I felt Winter shift beside me. He was probably jealous.

‘We are not amused, Ms Wilde,’ the Ipsissimus said.

‘If I work with him,’ I said, jabbing a finger in Winter’s direction and making him stiffen dramatically, ‘I’ll end up causing more problems than I solve. A hundred days isn’t that long. Give the poor man a holiday. He certainly looks like he needs it.’

‘He’s a very important member of the Arcane Branch and has a high success rate. We have no desire to lose him for three months because of a mix-up in the paperwork.’

‘If I go to prison, you’ll still lose him.’

‘Perhaps. But we’ll also gain considerable satisfaction in return.’

Well, at least the Ipsissimus was honest. I thought about it; maybe prison wouldn’t be so bad. I wouldn’t have to cook. I could spend my days lounging around in a cell. It could be restful. Somehow I doubted it, though.

‘What about Eve?’

‘What about her?’

I rolled my eyes. ‘This is her dream. It’s not her fault she’s not here and I’ve been flung into her place. She’ll be gutted if I’ve taken her spot.’

‘We will find her a commensurate position, I assure you.’

They’d better. There had to be some way to get myself out of all this that didn’t involve prison scrubs.