‘I’m an Adeptus Exemptus. I should have thought my capabilities were obvious.’

The fact that I didn’t answer was answer enough.

Winter half-shrugged as if my silence was evidence that I was useless and changed the subject. ‘Why are you wearing wellington boots? Are you expecting a flood?’

‘I’m wearing them to guard against the pathetic tears of Order geeks like you.’

Anger flared in his eyes. ‘Let’s get one thing straight, Ms Wilde. I’m in charge here. Until we get this mess straightened out, you will follow my lead and do as I say. You will stop the insults and watch that smart mouth of yours. You will not test my patience.’

‘Was that one thing?’ I asked, cocking my head. ‘Or about five things? Do they not teach arithmetic at the Order these days?’

It was probably fortunate for both of us that Brutus chose that moment to saunter in and flop at my opponent’s feet. ‘At least you have a familiar,’ Winter grunted, avoiding my eyes in an apparent bid to reduce the antagonism between us.

‘This is Brutus,’ I told him.

My cat rolled onto his back and gazed upwards. ‘Pet,’ he demanded.

Winter leapt about three feet backwards. ‘Your familiar just spoke.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Pet,’ Brutus hissed again.

‘He wants you to stroke him,’ I said. Winter stared at me. He really did have the most intense blue eyes. I shrugged. ‘I’ve had him for a long time. Back when I was younger and more enthusiastic, I had the brilliant idea that I could develop and market a way for people to talk to their pets and have them talk back. After a lot of trial and error, I came up with the right series of runes and, hey presto. Bruno can talk.’

‘It worked?’ Winter gazed from me to the cat. He seemed to still think I was throwing my voice à la street magician.

‘In a manner of speaking. Yes, he can talk but he only has a vocabulary of about twenty words and most of them aren’t very nice. I abandoned the plan to make millions from the spell when I realised that people would finally realise their cats are selfish little bastards who only care about themselves. There would have been mass feline abandonment if they heard what their pets really have to say. It seemed prudent to keep the magic to myself.’

Winter blinked. ‘I see.’

‘Pet,’ Brutus repeated. ‘Bitch.’

‘Don’t be offended,’ I said. ‘He calls everyone that.’ I winked at Brutus and turned on my heel. Clothes would probably be a good option right about now.

***

I took my time getting ready. Winter could wait. Plus, my hair was pointing in all directions, sticking up like I’d been electrocuted; smoothing it down into something more manageable wasn’t easy.

I debated whether to wear my one and only suit, then figured that the Order probably wouldn’t give a flying shit what I was wearing. I’d still be me underneath the clothes. Instead I sniffed the crotch of yesterday’s jeans, decided they smelled okay and pulled them on, along with a faded white T-shirt emblazoned with the words ‘Monkey Magic’ from that old television show. Ha! Let them make of that what they would. I completed the ensemble with my neon-green bomber jacket. At least my nemesis wouldn’t lose me in a crowd.