‘You plonkers.’ Both men frowned slightly. ‘You absolute plonkers.’ I shook my head. ‘Do you have any idea what you’ve done? I’m not Eve Harrington! Do I look like a six-foot brunette?’ I waved at my plump blonde form. ‘I’m Eve’s neighbour. I just popped in to check on her cat. She’s not here – she’s gone up north on sodding Order business!’ I scratched furiously at my arm. ‘Get this damn thing off me!’

The red-cloaked man paled, his eyes rounding as he stared at me. ‘You’re joking, right?’

I put my hands on my hips and glared. ‘Do I look like I’m joking?’

‘But you have to be a witch,’ he blustered. ‘The binding spell wouldn’t have taken if you weren’t.’

‘Of course I’m a damned witch,’ I snapped. ‘But I’m not First Level. I’m not even a Neophyte. I’m not in your stupid Order!’

Both of them looked shocked. Bully for them. ‘You’re a witch but you’re not in the Order?’

‘Are you guys for real? It’s not compulsory, you know.’

Red Cloak blinked rapidly. ‘Yeah, but anyone with any kind of power…’

‘Oh, piss off.’ He wasn’t even being accurate: there is a whole group of witches who have plenty of power who avoid the Order like the plague. They’ve created their own special snowflake coven and plot nonsensically to bring the Order down. I’m not one of them – but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Not to mention that half the non-witch population also possesses some magic skills, even if most of those skills are weak and barely noticeable. ‘Just because the majority of witches sign up doesn’t mean we all do.’ I took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. ‘Now get this bloody binding off of me.’

They exchanged glances. ‘Perhaps we should go inside.’

If it meant getting these idiots out of my life, I’d strip naked and do the can-can. I gestured them in. ‘Then get a move on.’

Red Cloak shuffled towards the living room; Sexy-But-Annoying Geek strode in like he owned the place. He gazed round at the strewn bee pollen and raised a dark eyebrow. ‘In the middle of something, were you?’

‘As it happens,’ I answered through gritted teeth, ‘yes, I was.’ I crossed my arms. ‘How could you be so stupid? Don’t you check before you go around willy-nilly placing magical soul-bindings on people?’

His gaze turned icy. ‘This is Eve Harrington’s residence. She lives alone. You answered the door wearing…’ he looked me up and down and I could swear his lip curled ‘…that. Common sense would dictate—’

I stepped up to him. ‘Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare bring up common sense when it’s patently clear that neither of you have any. Didn’t you check whether she was away?’

A muscle jerked in his cheek. ‘We were unaware of that.’

‘Unaware?’ I mocked. ‘Some great Order you are! You don’t even know where your own people are when you’re the ones who sent them away!’