“Hey, let’s talk him into stopping, I’m all for it. Any actual ideas?”

“We hope he fires off two more shots in his hysteria, which, if they’re anything like the last four, won’t come near us. We wait for the police and let them deal with it.” Thomas was ticking their options off on his fingers. “Or we goad him into using his last shots. Or we try to take the gun away from him.”

“Cowering in terror while we hope he wastes his last two sounds good to me,” Fred said.

“Or you could goad him while Artur and I try to sneak in through the other door and jump him.”

“Naw.”

“Yes,” Artur said. “You excel at goading. And hiding does not befit royalty. Come, Thomas.”

“Wait a minute!” Fred hissed. But they were already crawling to the other end of the table and slipping out the door. “Dammit!”

She thought for a second. Then took a breath and yelled, “Hey, King! Did I mention your ex is fucking my best friend?”

Long silence, followed by, “That’s a lie. Barb’s frigid. She hates sex.”

“Sex with you, maybe. Either that or my friend cured her because brother, she’s already done it twice today. And it’s not even…” She looked at her watch. “Three o’clock! Guess she’s not missing you too much, huh?”

“Who’s your friend?”

Fred wasn’t sure which was scarier: when he was out of control and firing a gun at random people he’d just met, or when he was scarily calm and trying to think his way out of a hole.

“Put the gun down and maybe I’ll tell you. Heck, put the gun down and I’ll bring you to him. Them. Did I mention my friend—his dick is about a foot long, according to legend—gave Dr. Barb a makeover? She looks awesome. Did you know that dark blue is her color?”

“White is her color! She buttons her lab coats all the way to the top!”

“Not today, pal. Today I bet she doesn’t even know where her lab coat is. You know how it is, young love and all that…”

King snorted. “My ex is a lot of things, but young isn’t one of them.”

Gotcha. “Well, maybe, but that doesn’t bother my friend. He loves older women. Literally! As in, I’m pretty sure he’s loving one right now. She’s got to have fifteen years on him.”

“She’s fucking… a younger guy?”

“Multiple times,” Fred assured him, no longer having to fake cheerfulness. This is kind of fun. The guys were right: goading is my gift. “I hope they’re using birth control, because Dr. Barb’s not exactly ready for the nursing home yet.”

“She’s on ‘the pill’ for her cramps,” King replied absently.