“Well, people usually notice that first.”

“About how green it was.”

“But it’s blue.”

She sighed and took a gulp of her margarita. “Never mind.”

“So, did you order?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a salad coming.”

“Waited for me like one pig waits for another, huh?” The waitress, as if sensing his need, again showed up out of nowhere. The two of them flirted outrageously while Jonas ordered the lobster and Fred tried not to yawn.

“So, what’s next today? I mean, it could hardly get worse.”

“New intern.”

“Don’t tell me: loved dolphins as a kid?”

“Still is a kid. Perky. Cheerful. Gorgeous. Enthusiastic.”

“How awful for you.” Jonas managed to say such a silly thing with convincing sincerity. “Well, cheer up, She’ll only be around for the semester, right? That’s how long any of the interns stay.”

“Six months is a long goddamned time to put up with Madison Fehr.”

“That’s her name?”

“And she used to cheer.”

“My God! I can’t believe you didn’t slit your wrists on the way over. What else?”

“I freaked out in the tank again.”

“Swam upside down in your scuba suit?” he asked sympathetically.

“Yeah, among other things. And I forgot the fish food. So I’ll wait until the place is empty and go back and feed the little buggers.”

“Are they still on hunger strike? The fish?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t want to hear about it. I want to hear about how hot your mom still is.”

“Nope.”

“Uh…your love life?”

“What love life?”

“Right. I’m in the same boat myself. My trainer ran off with my nutritionist.”

“Tessa and Mari were lesbians?”

“Apparently so. Leaving me high and dry. My one chance to have a threesome,” he sighed, “and it blew right by me.”

“Aw. Don’t say blew.” Fred’s salad came, and she picked at it and tried not to flinch as Jonas tore through his lobster.

“I’m not eating one of your pals, am I?” he asked, butter dripping down his chin.

“No. It just makes me slightly ill to watch you devour—”

“A fellow sea citizen?”

“Something I’m allergic to.”

Jonas snickered. “A mermaid allergic to shellfish.”

“Shut up.”

“Come on. It’s kind of hilarious. I mean, if you lived in the sea, what the hell would you eat? Would you starve? Or would you slip onto shore, steal food, and race back to the water like the Loch Ness Monster, while people took fuzzy pictures of your bare ass? The only time you ever get sick—you have to admit it’s funny.”

“I’d like to get through the rest of this day without talking or thinking about bare asses, please.”

“So this water fellow guy, what’s his name?”

“Thomas Pearson.”

“Well, other than needing to change his contact lenses, he seems okay. I mean, you’ve hardly bitched about him at all. And honey, you bitch about everything.”

“He’s all right. His hair is cute.”

Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. “Oh my God, you’re in love.”