“Swell.”

“But if you change your mind and I can, like, help you, just let me know. I’ve like, got my Scoobie certification and everything!”

“S.C.U.B.A.”

“What?”

“Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. S.C.U.B.A. Not Scoobie.”

“Right! Anyway, I can do that. I totally totally can. So if you want some help, just page me and I’ll come right over.”

“The inverse of that would be if I don’t page you, you’ll stay far far away?”

“Ohmigod, you are so funny! Okay, nice to meet you, Dr. Bimm!” She was already trip-trapping away on her little heels, and waving over one shoulder. “Bye!”

For a long, awful moment, Fred thought she might gag. She got control over herself and actually managed a half-hearted wave back.

Chapter Five

While she was struggling into her scuba suit, and trying to mentally scour Madison from her brain, it occurred to Fred that Thomas had actually noticed her real hair color.

Which wouldn’t be so unusual, except nobody had ever, ever noticed her hair was green except her mother. In fact, when she complained about it, about the teasing and the crude jokes from strangers (“Do your cuffs and collar match?”) her mother had told her something silly and hippieish, to wit: “Your true love will be the man who truly sees you as you are.”

Uh-huh, yank the other one, Mom.

But Thomas had not only seen, he had commented. Repeatedly. Even after being corrected by his new boss. And no crass jokes, either.

Her ridiculous hair was like the ocean: although it looked blue to most people it was, in reality, green. And dry as straw and fraught with split ends due to all the time she spent being wet, but that was another issue. And really, more her friend Jonas’s problem than hers. (Note to Fred, she thought: L’Oreal just isn’t doing the job; time to try the Philosophy line.)

She was finally in her suit, a swollen sausage in its casing, everything where it belonged, all the dumb tubes in place (one or two tourists might notice that she wasn’t using a mask or oxygen tank), her fins on, the whole outfit useless and silly beyond belief and a lie, and she sat on the edge of the top level of the tank, at the very top floor of the NEA, and fell backward into Main One.

And flailed around uselessly and fought the urge to grow a tail, to be real

(fake)

and staggered through a small school of angelfish and thrashed past a nurse shark and almost knocked a sea turtle sprawling and accidentally swam upside-down for a few seconds until she got her bearings. Because she could not swim without her tail.

Just… couldn’t. She had tried. She’d taken lessons for years. Moon had tried to teach her (what a disaster that had been).

It was no good. It was like her body knew she could grow a tail and fins and scales so what was the point of learning to swim with legs?