I eased Grandma away from Maria and moved her into a less congested area. She tagged two people en route, but no one went down.

“Stay here,” I said. “You can’t do any more damage if you don’t move from this spot.”

“Yeah, but what good is that? I’m not near the cookies. And I haven’t even seen the deceased yet. And people can’t see me with my disability over here.”

“If you keep hitting people in the back of the leg with your crutches, they’ll kick you out.”

“They won’t do that. I’m an old lady and I’m gonna die soon, and they want my business. I got a real expensive slumber box picked out here. Mahogany with gold handles and padded inside with genuine satin. And it’s lead-lined, so the worms won’t get to me. They could have buried King Tut in this slumber box, and he’d be good as new.”

I hoped the funeral home wasn’t counting on collecting Grandma’s funeral money any time soon, because I was pretty sure Grandma wasn’t ever going to die.

“Maybe you could walk better without the crutches,” I said to her.

“I won’t get as much sympathy that way. This is my big chance. Other people get heart attacks and kidney stones, and I never get any of that stuff. I’m healthy as a horse. I don’t even get the flu. All I got is a broken foot. And it wasn’t even broken enough to get us a handicap sticker for the car. I tell you, there’s no justice in this world.”

“All right, let’s compromise. You can hold the crutches, but you can’t use them to try to walk.”

“I guess that would be okay,” Grandma said. “I can’t figure them out anyway. I think I swing when I’m supposed to clomp.”

“Where do you want to go first?” I asked her.

“I want to see the deceased. And then I want cookies.”

TWENTY-THREE

I GOT GRANDMA in the line inching its way to the casket, and I set off to find Lenny Pickeral. After five minutes of circulating through the room, I realized everyone looked like Lenny Pickeral. Even the women. Some Pickerals were older than others, but other than that they were interchangeable.

I stopped a random Pickeral and asked about Lenny.

“I’m looking for Lenny,” I said. “Have you seen him?”

“I was just talking to him,” she said. “He’s here somewhere.”

“Did you notice what he was wearing?”

“Dark sports coat and a blue dress shirt.”

Great. That described half the Pickerals. I moved to the other side of the room and asked again.

“He’s right over there, talking to Aunt Sophie,” the woman said. “He has his back to us.”

I slipped in next to Lenny and put my hand on his arm. “Lenny Pickeral?” I asked.

He turned and looked at me. “Yeah.”

“Excuse us,” I said to Aunt Sophie. “I’d like a word with Lenny.”

Lenny was my height and slim. His clothes were neat but inexpensive. His skin tone was office worker. I led him to a quiet corner and introduced myself.