Tramadol? He’s taking Tramadol? Jesus H. Christ. I throw it in the top dresser drawer when I get back into the guest room… my room. He’s not using that big old brain of his, thinking he can play with an injury like that. I mean, I get it, I guess, but jeez.

Football and grades are all that have ever mattered to Julian, even way back in middle school when nothing but having fun really mattered to anyone else. He’s been talking about wanting to see more of the world since we were really little. Would I play with an injury like that if I knew it meant the world would be at my fingertips? If it was the difference between getting to go to school or not?

I don’t know.

I lie down in bed and watch the clothesline sway in the breeze through the open window. I think about Coley. I’ve talked to Frankie approximately seventeen thousand times since I got here a couple of days ago, but I wonder if she’s giving me the real story when we’re on the phone.

She says “Everything’s fine!” but with a little catch in her voice. It’s that super-enthusiastic “Everything’s fine!” that you say when everything is clearly not fine, but you don’t want anyone to worry about you. She says Coley is great and Ma has been great and I just… I don’t know if I trust her.

I wonder in the dark if I would continue to play football with hurt ribs if it meant giving Coley and Frankie a better life. If I knew it was the difference between keeping everything the same and possibly having the chance to do something different with my life.

Probably.

I wouldn’t have taken the Tramadol, though. I feel better knowing it’s in my pocket and not Julian’s room. I know firsthand how that kind of stuff can start you down a road you’ll never be able pull off of. I watched it happen to my father, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to watch it happen to Julian, too. Even though it was just two pills that he took. It’s too easy to get caught on that slippery slope. I’m half tempted to flush the rest of the prescription down the toilet, even if Julian does think I’m being overdramatic.

I pull my phone from my nightstand and shuffle through my photo album until my eyes get heavy.

You awake? I text Frankie.

She doesn’t respond.

Just thinking about you guys tonight. Today was rough. I’ll text you in the morning. Give Coley hugs. I plug the phone in next to the bed.