CASS (on the phone): Does she have—dang, she has a husband. Dang. Does that mean she’s married?…Hey—(Pause.) I’m fighting to stay sober—I’m fighting to stay sober—uh. (Pause.) Yeah yeah, I’m surrendering to stay sober, I’m surrendering to stay sober—Wait—

DAD (to CASS): Is that long distance? (Peers at GRANDMA.) Have you given my mother drugs?

GRANDMA wakes with a start.

GRANDMA: Are my biscuits burning?

DAD: I’ve got biscuits right here.

CASS (on the phone): Can’t I ask a low-key question about some girl without announcing we’re engaged?

DAD: I saw the most remarkable thing just now.

GRANDMA: Did you? What was that?

DAD: It was a…tire.

GRANDMA: A tire.

DAD: I mean an inner tube.

GRANDMA: An inner tube. You saw a remarkable inner tube?

DAD:…Yes…I did.

CASS: Dad. Hi…

DAD: Cass. Back in Ukiah?

CASS: Uh—yeah…How’s it going?

DAD: Oh, downhill to the river. Uphill after that. You know.

CASS (on the phone): I gotta go. Yeah. (Hangs up.) Can I stay here tonight, Dad?

DAD: Well, that all depends.

GRANDMA (leaping up): Don’t you dare bring those biscuits in this house!

CASS (to DAD): I’m clean.

DAD: What about the booze?

CASS: Cross my heart.

GRANDMA (heading for kitchen): I’ll make you some real biscuits!…It’s six o’clock right now. Get the news! Get the news about the shopping centers!

DAD (assuming her chair and slowly taking out a thigh and sinking his teeth into it): I’ll need some help here. Car washed, pick up my suit at the cleaners, that sort of stuff.

CASS: Sure—

GRANDMA: The shopping centers are burning!

DAD cuts TV on.

TV: What does the busy professional need today?…What do you care? You’re not a busy professional.

DAD hits the mute.

DAD: And wear my suit to whatsername’s wedding. May Jesus bless her union even if it is the fourth or fifth.

CASS: Dad, are you getting more religious?

DAD: No. No.

The phone rings and DAD sets his chicken aside.

Dear Lord, let me answer as you would have me answer. Let my words be your words—

CASS (grabbing the phone): Dad! God!…(Into phone:) No, ma’am, not me. Just passing through. Hang on—

DAD (taking the phone): I want you to take Grandma.

CASS: Take her where?

DAD: Hello? (Pause.) Jeanine. Yes. (To CASS:) To the wedding.

CASS: Whose wedding?

DAD: So-and-so’s marrying your sister’s old boy. Marigold’s, you remember, the boy she—

CASS: Gib? Hightower?

GRANDMA: Gilbert Hightower. The love of your sister’s life.

CASS: I wouldn’t put it like that.

DAD (on the phone): Sure. Go ahead—Jeanine did you say? Explain away, Jeanine.

GRANDMA: And guess who—just guess—well, it’s Suzanne Nash that he’s marrying. Formerly Suzanne Cassandra, once upon a time. The love of your brother’s life is marrying the love of your sister’s life!

CASS: That’s sick.

GRANDMA: Psh! Not here in California.

Meanwhile, CASS tosses a bit of skin to the dog. He picks up the remote and points it at TV.

TV: It’s not good to feed your dog chicken. It’s not good to insult your dog. It’s not good. Shots of a beautiful Irish setter looking sad. Shots of a clown kissing a mongrel. It’s never wise to—