Mother love in her dreams brought strange moments of what she felt as grace, of restraint and rhapsody. Although babies started out as babies (an answer!) they grew into adults (a problem!)—so went the hammering social wisdom she’d grown up in. There, babies became drug addicts or mentally unwell or highly needy or simply jerks. Just like people. Just like mothers.

Rachel had felt these moments in dreams throughout puberty. Then in her twenties they’d slowly shifted. In her thirties they came upon her as walking sensations. Now sudden surges of emotion. Yes, Ajima’s death had triggered her. Death versus love. Not of a man—not yet. Of motherhood—also not yet. Or… what had her father said at each sign of spring?

Spring has sprung, the grass has ris’.

Ah, yes—it was spring now in Earthside’s north. Nature bats last.

Somehow that meant that at the prospect of children, her heart stuck in her throat, always in her throat.

She hurried back home, to Catkejen. And maybe a good cry.

Catkejen said, “What? The Prefect Masoul called you?”

Rachel shrugged. “Can’t imagine why. Hailed me on my way here.” Then why is my gut going tight?

“I got the prelim blood report on Ajima. Stole it off a joint list, actually. No drugs, nothing interesting at all. He was only twenty-seven.”

Rachel tried to recall him. “Oh, the thin one.”

Catkejen nodded. “I danced with him at a reception for new students. He hit on me.”

“And?”

“You didn’t notice?”

“Notice what?”

“He came back here that night.”

Rachel blinked. “Maybe I’m too focused. You got him into your room without me…?”

“Even looking up from your math cowl.” Catkejen grinned mischievously, eyes twinkling. “He was quite nice and, um, quite good, if y’know what I mean. You really should… get out more.”

“I’ll do that right after I see the Prefect.” Rachel saw Cat was faux lighthearted, given that someone she was intimate with had just died. A pose, then, covering her true feelings.

A skeptical laugh. “Of course you will.”

Time to change directions, yes. “Cat, how’s your life profile playing?” Rachel figured they were close enough to ask. Part of Earthside’s population overload arose from the methods of enhancing repair mechanisms in the body. Aging was the failure to repair, so modern methods, mostly just pills and sniffers and such, extended life-spans by upgrading the repair gene networks. For women, that lengthened their repro span, too, because of the slowing of egg release. Rachel had a period about every six months. That kept her systems perking slowly and meant she was still in the game. Common practice, though an intimate matter. “I mean, kids and all.”

Cat hesitated, glanced down, finally sighed. “I’m fifty-two, going well. But yeah, time to reflect on the kid issue. Still got maybe a couple decades of ova left.”

“Me too. Though I’m just thirty-eight. Got plenty of time left, maybe forty more years.”

Cat sighed. “Takes a damn long while to make a career stable, these days.”