“Then you’ll probably never need a chair till you’re fifteen years old,” said Measure. “Cause Mama won’t ever let you out of that school, and Thrower won’t ever let up on you, and you can’t hide in David’s house forever.”

“Why not?”

“Because hiding from your enemy is the same as letting him win.”

So Measure wouldn’t keep him safe, and he had to go back—and take a licking from Pa, too, for scaring everybody by running away and hiding so long. Still, Measure had helped him. It was a comfort to know that somebody else was willing to say that Thrower was his enemy. All the others were so full of how wonderful and godly and educated Thrower was, and how kind he was to teach the children from his fount of wisdom, that it like to made Alvin puke.

Even though Alvin mostly kept his face under control during school, and so got less lickings, Sunday was the most terrible struggle of all, because he sat there on that hard bench listening to Thrower, half the time wanting to bust out laughing till he fell on the floor, and half the time wanting to stand up and shout, “That’s just about the stupidest thing I ever heard a growed man say!” He even had a feeling Pa wouldn’t lick him very hard for saying that to Thrower, since Pa never had much of an opinion of the man. But Mama—she’d never forgive him for doing blasphemy in the house of the Lord.

Sunday morning, he decided, is designed to let sinners have a sample of the first day of eternity in hell.

Probably Mama wouldn’t even let Taleswapper tell so much as the tiniest story today, lessen it came from the Bible. And since Taleswapper never seemed to tell stories from the Bible, Alvin Junior guessed that nothing good would come today.

Mama’s voice blasted up the stairs. “Alvin Junior, I’m so sick and tired of you taking three hours to get dressed on Sunday morning that I’m about to take you to church naked!”

“I ain’t naked!” Alvin shouted down. But since what he was wearing was his nightgown, it was probably worse than being naked. He shucked off the flannel nightgown, hung it on a peg, and started dressing as fast as he could.