Al might have got slapped right then, except Wastenot and Wantnot were right behind him, saw the whole thing, and laughed so hard at Matilda that she started crying and fled on up the stairs two steps at a time, not ladylike at all. Wastenot and Wantnot carried Alvin up the stairs between them, so high up he got a little dizzy, singing that old song about St. George killing the dragon, only they sang it about St. Alvin, and where the song usually said something about poking the old dragon a thousand times and his sword didn’t melt in the fire, they changed sword to finger and made even Measure laugh.

“That’s a filthy filthy song!” shouted ten-year-old Mary, who stood guard outside the big girls’ door.

“Better stop singing that song,” said Measure, “before Mama hears you.”

Alvin Junior could never understand why Mama didn’t like that song, but it was true that the boys never sang it where she could hear. The twins stopped singing and clambered up the ladder to the loft. At that moment the door to the big girls’ room was flung open and Matilda, her eyes all red from crying, stuck her head out and shouted, “You’ll be sorry!”

“Ooh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Wantnot said in a squeaky voice.

Only then did Alvin remember that when the girls set out to get even, he would be the main victim. Calvin was still considered the baby, so he was safe enough, and the twins were older and bigger and there was always two of them. So when the girls got riled, Alvin was first in line for their deadly wrath. Matilda was sixteen, Beatrice was fifteen, Elizabeth was fourteen, Anne was twelve, Mary was ten, and they all preferred picking on Alvin to practically any other recreation that the Bible would permit. One time when Alvin was tormented past endurance and only Measure’s strong arms held him back from hot-blooded murder with a hayfork, Measure allowed as how the punishments of hell would most likely consist of living in the same house with five women who were all about twice a man’s size.

Ever since then, Alvin wondered what sin he committed before he was born to make him deserve to grow up half-damned to start with.