I drew a deep, unsteady breath. “Ciarán, I love Felix. I love him with my whole heart. He has transformed my life. Up until this summer, I never had the slightest doubt about my vocation. You know how hard I’ve studied, how much I’ve applied myself to learning, how I’ve tried at every turn to be the best druid I could be. Now I’m full of doubt. The voices of the gods do not come to me readily anymore; they are often silent.” I shivered, finding I could not meet his eyes. He would be so disappointed in me. He would be shocked by my weakness. “I love life in the nemetons with its tranquility and purpose. On the voyage to the serpent isle I discovered new ways of using my gifts, ways I had not known were possible. I love the gods, and I believe they still call me to their service. But I love this man too; I want to be his wife and bear his children. I want the sort of life Clodagh has, full of tenderness and passion and surprises. I can’t have both. Felix has spoken of other paths, of compromise, but in truth there are no other paths. There is only this choice. This impossible choice.”

“Tell me why it is impossible.”

“Because—because whatever I choose, I’ll live a life of regret. If I marry Felix and walk away from the druid path, I will always think of the vocation I was called to as a child, the peace of the nemetons, the myriad byways of the mind, the companionship of other scholars, the wondrous opportunity to serve the gods with all that is in me. And if I have to let Felix go, I won’t be the druid I should be. Part of me will always be thinking of him, wondering where he is, wondering if he’s dreaming of me, weeping for the life we might have had together.”

“Felix must be a remarkable young man,” Ciarán said quietly, “to have awoken such feelings in you so quickly.”

“You will probably dismiss it as young love, a passion that burns brightly and is soon over, a candle flame that gutters and dies at the first cold draft,” I said. “But it’s not like that. Please believe me. Felix and I belong together. I love him as my counterpart, my perfect completion. I love him body and spirit. He is a fine man, an exceptional man, a scholar and thinker, sensitive and wise. And brave; outstandingly brave. There is no other like him.”

He put his palms together and brought the tips of his fingers to his mouth. He seemed to be giving my arguments consideration.