I want to remind Mom about Hollywood Secret Number Seven, but I think better of it. The word "retirement" doesn't exist in this town. Stars can be washed up, or overworked, or claim they want to spend the rest of their life sipping margaritas on St. Vincent -- but they always have a shot at returning to the bright lights if they want it enough. Look at John Travolta. After a string of movies about talking babies, the guy did Pulp Fiction for peanuts and totally revived his career. I'm not worried about mine though. Two months off is not going to kill it.

"I'm not retiring," I say firmly. "I'm just taking two months off to ..." Laney chokes on her Scotch (neat) and coughs explosively. "Go to school," I finish.

Everyone is quiet. Glasses clink as a waiter brings over a tray with Kaitlin Kolas. Mom grabs the Russian military officer's arm. "I'll have a sour apple martini. Make that two."

Dad blinks. "School? But... you study already. You have a tutor."

"No, Dad, I mean a real school," I correct him. "With classrooms and other kids. Not Monique and me perched in my dressing room summarizing evolution. I want a chance to be an ordinary teenager. I want to see what it's like to have homeroom, school dances, and gym class."

"And what are you going to do?" Matt snorts. "Just walk into the school and say, 'Hi, I'm Kaitlin Burke, I'd like to enroll here for a few months?' E! would be staking out the school in no time." My mother moans.

"That's right," Dad bellows. "You'd be too much of a distraction to the other students, Kaitie-kins."

"Shh!" Laney hisses, glancing around suspiciously.

"I already thought about that." I squeeze Liz's hand for support. "That's why I'm not enrolling as myself."

"Kaitlin, don't be silly," Mom shakes her platinum-blond head dismissively. "Just because you change your name doesn't mean people won't recognize you."

I open my mouth to speak and Laney cuts me off.

"Don't even say it! Don't even think it!" Laney shouts crazily. She seems to have forgotten where we are. And Laney never forgets that she's at an exclusive Hollywood party. "If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, it's suicide!"

I ignore her -- for the first time ever. "Everyone: I'm going to go to school in disguise."

"What? What's she talking about?" my Dad asks Matt.

"Beats me," Matt mutters, and reaches for a mini filet mignon on crispy bread.

My mom narrows her green eyes at Nadine and Liz. "Did you two put her up to this?"

"Kaitlin, listen to me." Laney looks around the room again nervously. She grabs my hands in hers and holds my gaze fiercely. "I can't believe we're discussing this here.... Okay, look, I understand you're a teenager and you want to do normal teen stuff once in a while." I nod. "But now is not the time to disappear. You've got tabloid rumors plaguing your every move and a costar out for blood. Now is not the time for games! If someone catches wind that you're disguising yourself to go to school, they'll think you're doing it because you're unhappy with your work. If people start believing that, Kaitlin, you'll never get another role!"