‘Jolly good,’ Sue said. ‘Well, the elves will be here for five, and the children are very excited. I wonder how many punters we will get?’

‘Sue,’ Nick said, ‘are you OK?’

‘Me? OK? Couldn’t be better.’

‘It’s just …’ Nick paused, rubbing his beard. ‘Well, I was just wondering if something had happened last night to upset you?’

‘Me?’ Sue said. ‘How did you know?’

‘Well I … let’s call it Santa’s intuition. Look, if you need to talk to someone …’

‘I don’t know why everyone thinks it’s OK to have an opinion on this!’ Sue said. ‘I mean, for goodness sake, he is my husband, he is coming back home to be with his family at Christmas, surely that is a good thing?’

‘Ah.’ Nick sat down. ‘I was talking about the kiss.’

‘What … How did you …?’ Sue squinted at Nick, the thick full beard, the beetle brows, there was something about him. Something about him that was familiar, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on … And he’d just been there, hadn’t he? He’d just turned up out of the blue, on the very day that Blake Fletcher had promised to come to Santa auditions, and what had he been doing instead? He’d been trying out for a role!

‘Oh my God, it’s you!’ Sue gasped, as all the pieces fell into the place.

‘Yes, me, Santa,’ Nick said.

‘No, you, you thought you’d be all clever and dress up as Father Christmas! You were at the auditions after all. Proving your prowess as an actor! Making a fool out of me! What, did you want to try out your incredibly fake English accent?’

‘I speak Danish and Norwegian too,’ Nick said, looking rather concerned. ‘And a spot of Swahili.’

‘What did you think? Did you think you’d find out stuff about me while you were all dressed up and then use it to seduce me, is that what you thought?’

‘My dear lady …’ Nick looked nervously at the door, where elves and children were expected at any minute.

‘Oh my God, you’re an egomaniac!’ Sue cried. She lunged at Nick and grabbed a handful of his beard, tugging hard.

‘Ouch!’ Nick cried out. ‘Sue!’

‘Go on, admit it!’ Sue yanked again. It seemed like it was pretty well stuck on, but glue could only last for so long. ‘Admit it, admit that you are Blake Fletcher in disguise!’

‘That would be quite hard to do as I am standing right here,’ Blake Fletcher said, from behind her.

Letting go of Nick’s beard, Sue turned around, ever so slowly.

‘Oh!’ She pressed her hands over her mouth, and looked back at Nick who was vigorously rubbing at his chin.