‘He’s not on his own,’ Sue said. ‘He’s with Vivien Marley from his book group, last known location a Travelodge somewhere near Totnes. I know this because he’s been using my credit card.’

‘Shitting shit.’ Cordelia summed the situation up with her usual succinctness.

‘Indeed,’ Sue said. ‘Of course there have always been other women …’

‘Fuck, no way? What? But why didn’t you bin him ages ago then?’

‘Because we’re married, because we have children,’ Sue said. ‘Because I didn’t want to be forty and divorced.’

‘Mate.’ Cordelia shook her head. ‘If he was mine, I’d remove his eyes with a spoon, but … well, if he’s come back before then surely he will come back again?’

‘Not this time.’ Sue took a breath, feeling suddenly calmer. ‘Before they were never after him, they were after the castle, or the money, or at least the money they thought came with a castle. Marissa thought she was getting a life of luxury—’

‘That bitch Marissa had a thing with Rory McSnory? No offence,’ Cordelia added hastily.

‘I don’t think any is likely to be taken at this point, do you?’ Sue said, wearily. ‘But Vivien, she isn’t his usual type, a young girl with pound signs in her eyes. She’s older, although not as old as me. She thinks he’s brilliant, that’s what he said in the note he left. Brilliant, funny, sexy and worth her respect. He says she treats him like a man.’

‘Then she’s making a big mistake. What sort of a man worth a fart walks out on his wife and kids before Christmas?’

‘I don’t suppose there would have ever been a good time,’ Sue said thoughtfully. ‘If he’d left it to New Year then we would all have known that Christmas was a sham.’

‘Well, good riddance,’ Cordelia said. ‘OK, he’s gone. So what you have to do next is to start getting your life back on track.’

‘I’ve been trying to just keep things the same.’

‘Things are not the same,’ Cordelia said. ‘They are not, there are things you have to do, Sue. First of all you have to talk to the children. They won’t thank you for lying to them, they need to know … Of course we can’t tell them that Daddy is a lying piece of scum, but we can start explaining that he isn’t coming back. And you need to tell your friends – Alex and Tamsyn will want to know. There are nights of inappropriate drinking and retro-disco dancing to be organised, revenge sex with perfect strangers to be had, dating profiles to be set up online. You can’t handle this stuff alone, you need your people.’

‘I don’t really think you and I have quite the same idea about the best ways to get over a broken marriage.’