“Uncle Grant says Grandpa is going to be with Daddy and Mommy now,” Carson blurted out. “Is that right?”

Eyes blurring, Mac squatted to the boy’s level. “You bet. He’s with Grandma, too.”

Carson nodded, then rested his head on Mac’s shoulder. “I miss them.”

“We all do.” Mac’s throat constricted until it felt as if a noose was wrapped around it, choking him.

Carson lifted his head and turned his face toward Grant. “Can I have ice cream after dinner?”

Grant laughed. “Definitely. Ellie bought your favorite.”

“Cookies and cream?” Carson’s eyes brightened. “Awesome.”

He squirmed away from Mac and bolted for the door. “I forgot. Ellie said to tell you dinner was ready. Nan made macaroni and cheese.”

“Then we’d better go eat.” Grant followed Carson. “We can’t let macaroni and cheese get cold.”

And Mac knew exactly how he and Ellie managed the kids. They enjoyed every exhausting minute. Unbelievably, Mac was a little jealous.

Which was ridiculous and selfish. He was the one who kept leaving. He was the one who took off for South America every time he felt like the kids were getting attached to him. The last thing they needed was more grief.

Who was he kidding? It was his heart he was guarding.

What was he going to do? He’d committed himself to stopping drugs, to protecting kids like Carson and Faith from the poison entering the country every day. But the thought of leaving his family again left him empty, just as the idea of committing to being a permanent part of their lives terrified him.

“Are you all right?” Hannah asked from the doorway.

Mac shook off his mood. “Yes. Just thinking.”

“Need to talk about it?”

“Not yet.” Mac joined her in the hall. “I’ll let you know.”

“Don’t shut us out again, Mac. We need you.”

“I know. I’m trying.” Mac rubbed the ache in the center of his chest.

Hannah leaned her head on his shoulder. “You can let us all in. We don’t bite.”

“Faith might.”

She laughed. “Seriously, Mac. I was always chasing something. Success. Independence. Approval. I struggled when every milestone felt so . . .” Hannah paused. “Empty. What’s the point if there’s no one to share those moments?”

“My job is dangerous, and sometimes it feels like I can’t possibly make a difference. No matter what I do, the drugs keep flowing.” Frustration filled Mac. “As long as there’s a demand for drugs, some scumbag will be willing to fill it. On the other hand, how can I refuse to do what I can? I know better than anyone that drugs can ruin a life. A whole family.”